All Women's Talk

Boyfriend for 15 Minutes?

By Kristin

Everyone knows Andy Warhol's famous quote: "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes." Well, apparently my karma guarantees that I can only have a boyfriend for fifteen minutes.

No, nothing's been resolved with the British Scientist. I hadn't heard anything from him, but was feeling positive today, called him to say hi. I assumed I would just leave a message but he picked up. "Hi! It's me. How are you, I was just thinking about you! Ran into a scientist today and thought of you." We both talked about nothing. Then I told him that he "seemed down" the last time I spoke to him--but he assured me he was feeling better. 5 more minutes of fluff-talk. I couldn't take any more so I said, "Well, just wanted to check in... let me know if you want to get together sometime." He said he would let me know, that we'd be in touch.

Not what I wanted to hear.

I feel like I have no closure on this thing. Dolly wants to go with me to a lock and key party on Friday. The Classical Musician, out of nowhere, emailed me this today: I would like to see you you have any time this week? (not sure what THAT'S about). I just got an email saying I could go to speed dating for free tonight. Not that any of these things appeal to me all that much, at this point, but they would certainly take my mind off my current situation. But no, I'm in limbo.

This is the second 15-minute relationship I've had. I think I'm cursed.

Cue flashback.

The Poet was the big love of my life. He's the Manchild's best friend. We met while out one night, during a period when the Manchild and Sarah were broken up. The Poet and I totally had a connection—we were talking and joking all night. Then we all got too drunk (the story of my life) and Sarah and The Poet ended up making out. So I started making out with the Manchild. Lovely.

The Poet tried to get Sarah to go home with him, but she refused. Imagine my surprise, then, when the Poet called to ask me out two weeks later (I had not given him my number). Against my better judgment, I agreed (The Poet is super hot), and he spent the next 3 months courting me, going out with me roughly every other week.

Things progressed. He invited me first to a slam poetry competition, and then I started going to see him perform every week. We were seeing each other 2-3x a week. We began sleeping together. I thought we were soul mates. Then he gave me the best compliment ever—after getting cast in a show, we met up for drinks. I was so excited, I couldn’t stop talking. Finally I paused. He grabbed my hand and said “Your enthusiasm, your excitement about your new show. It’s beautiful to watch.” My heart melted.

He followed this up with the suggestion that we go away together for the 4th of July. But we still hadn’t had The Talk. I was feeling confident, in control. This amazing compliment followed by boyfriend noises? Surely this would go well.

It didn’t. He couldn’t commit. It was too big a deal for him, he argued, even though he wasn’t seeing anyone else. He’d never “officially” had a girlfriend (not a good sign—he was 25 at the time). He felt that once he committed to having a girlfriend, he would have to marry this person. I tried to explain that it’s not THAT big a deal, but he wouldn’t hear it. Fine, subject changed.

We continued the evening, went to eat, had an okay time. I was clearly sad. As we were leaving to share a cab, we walked down the street, he grabbed my hand. “Okay, I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said.

I was ecstatic. We began to kiss, softly, romantically. The man of my dreams, and now he’s my boyfriend? I was in bliss.

We got in the cab and as we headed uptown, he promptly began to freak out. This was too big a deal for him, he said. I told him my goal was not to make him freak out, that if he needed to take it back, he could take it back. He took it back.

We still dated for a few weeks after that, I tried to keep an open mind. But when he told me that his married ex-girlfriend was coming to town, would be staying at his apartment, and they’d probably end up having sex, that was the final straw.

I still think to myself that I was such an idiot for going out with him in the first place. I shouldn’t have given him a chance. Anyone that says they have such a connection with you, and ends up trying to take home your friend? Not someone you should date.

I should have saved myself the trouble.

We dated for 6 months, but he was only my boyfriend for 15 minutes.

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