Getting cheated on isn't easy to deal with, because the person you trusted more than anything decided to play with your heart until he broke it. But no matter how horrible you feel, things will get better in the future. You need to believe that. Even if you don't at the moment, here are some ways to get over a cheating ex:
1 Know It's Not You
The inevitable first question to pop up in your mind will be: Why me?! If your ex felt the need to go behind your back to be with someone else, there must be something wrong with you, right? WRONG! As I see it, sure your ego has taken a huge hit and you can come up with a thousand reasons as to why you are to blame. But trust me honey, if my ex cheated on me, chances are he needed no reason to do so.
All that self hate that follows is only the result of a broken heart and you can't really blame yourself. The point is, your relationship may have been going through the worst possible phase but even that's no excuse for your ex to do what he did.
So what do you do? Stop mulling over it. You are not at fault and he was not good enough for you. No one who cheats ever is. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will get over it.
Frequently asked questions
2 Mourn
This is undoubtedly the worst phase of the "recovery" process. And we've all been there. Sometimes it's so bad that you feel like you have hit rock bottom. But I remember what a friend once told me, "Remember the silver lining... everything from now is only going to go uphill."
We all have our own ways of mourning. For me, it is to literally do what my heart desires at that moment. I like being alone and shutting myself off from the rest of the world... sitting in my room and bawling my eyes out while watching sappy romantic classics.
I've even tried burning my ex's pictures which trust me, made me feel a whole lot better. These though temporary solutions, still work. I wish I could think of something more long-term though. Any thoughts?
3 Accept It
Once you're done mourning, accept the breakup. Accept that it is over. I have found that this really is my first big step towards healing.
4 Fun with Friends
What in the world would we do without friends? I mean really! Everytime, I have had a horrible breakup, I call my best friends and even if we do nothing but sit and talk, it makes me feel a whole lot better!
I know that my loved ones are always going to be around to watch my back...specially when I need it the most. So I surround myself with them. You should too. Go out with the girls. Party it up. Have fun! I once got two hamsters to cheer myself up and guess what...it really took my mind off my ex! Take up a new hobby. Take a trip! Anything to get your mind off the ex.
And please avoid places that remind you of your ex. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, especially if like my ex and I, you go to the same school... But try your best! The idea is to distract yourself so that when you eventually think of your ex, it would have been so long that you won't feel all that bad! It's worked for me in the past. How about you?
5 Avoid Temptation
Here you are thinking that the hard part is over when suddenly vulnerability sets in. Know that it is very normal to miss your ex and want him back even though he broke your heart.
You miss the familiarity and the companionship and you begin to wonder... "What if I call to just say Hello"...."One cup of coffee wouldn't hurt" ...That's how it starts but trust me, you do NOT want to go down that road again!
6 Give Your Ex Another Chance
I have seen and heard of many women who are willing to give their exes a second chance. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that ever. Trust once destroyed is hard to win back. And for me, the scars left behind would be too deep to get over. But of course, you have to figure out what works for you.
If you do decide to work things out, I would suggest getting help from a counselor. Of course, it will be a very hard process and one would really have to give it their all. Have any of you been in this situation and has it worked out?
7 Move on
Time is the best healer! And I firmly believe that when you are ready to move on... you will. I find it best to forgive my ex. And I mean really really forgive him in my heart. Of course that's easier said than done but you will find that forgiving him will not only make you the bigger person but help you to move on.
Do not rush into a new relationship. At the same time, do not shut yourself from the possibility of something new. Sure, your last relationship ended on a horrible note but be open to giving love another chance.
Stop drawing parallels between your ex and the new guy. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are the same. I would sit down with the new guy and talk to him. Tell him how you honestly feel, express your fears and trust issues and if it's meant to be, he will completely understand, right?
8 See a Rebound
If you really want to get over your ex, you might have to resort to dire measures. No, you don't have to hook up with a stranger. You should just make a date with a guy that you get along with and enjoy the evening. It doesn't matter if you end up getting married or even going on a second date. You just need to get your mind off of your ex.
9 Write Yourself a Letter
Despite what he's done to you, you might wake up one day and start missing him again. That's why you need to write a letter to yourself that lists all the negatives about your ex. Don't be afraid to be mean. No one else will see the letter but you, so be as cruel as you can.
10 Focus on Yourself
Instead of immediately searching the city for a new boyfriend, enjoy being single for a bit. Try to climb your career ladder or learn a new talent. Do whatever you've always wanted to do, but never had time for when you were dating.
11 Have Family Time
Your family can be just as helpful as your friends are when it comes to cheering you up. I mean, your parents and siblings were there for you since you were born, so they should know how to make you smile by now. If you're upset, tell them and they'll volunteer to make you dessert or hug you while you cry.
12 Get Closure
It's difficult to move on if you don't get closure. As much as you hate your ex, having one last conversation with him could help you. If you don't know why he cheated on you, ask him to explain it. Even if he refuses to talk about it, you can at least give an official goodbye.
13 Cry
Even if you've already moved passed the mourning stage of breaking up, it's still okay to cry every once in a while. When something reminds you of your ex or you find out that he's moved on, the tears are a healthy thing. Don't hold back your emotions, because that'll only make things worse.
14 Stay Active
Go to the gym, take your dog for walks, or join a local soccer team. Do whatever you can to stay active. It'll do more than get you in tiptop shape. It'll also keep your mind healthy and take your thoughts off of your ex. Plus, having a smoking hot body is good revenge.
15 Delete His Number
If you haven't deleted his number yet, do it now. After that, unfriend him on Facebook and stop following his Instagram. You don't need to see his face ever again.
16 Complain to Your Friends
Sometimes, letting off a little steam is all you need to start feeling better. Find a friend who won't mind hearing you rant about your ex and then let the curses fly. As long as you complain to someone who won't judge you, it'll help you get over him.
17 Avoid Contact
You've already deleted his number, but you need to remember to stay away from him in real life as well. Seeing his face in the hallways can be just as bad as messaging him. It's impossible to avoid him if you attend the same school or work at the same office, but you can always avoid the places that he frequents that you don't need to go to, like certain bars and restaurants.
18 Spend Money on Yourself
Take all that money that you would've spent on his birthday gifts and use them on yourself. Buy some beauty products and DVDs that you normally wouldn't splurge on. It's time for you to treat yourself!
19 Get a MakeOver
Why do you think the cliche about single women getting makeovers exists? Well, because changing something as simple as your hair can give you an entirely new outlook on life. It'll make you way more confident, and when you walk with pride, you'll keep a positive attitude.
Take it one step at a time and you will be just fine. And one day when you wake up, you will find that you are no longer hurting. You might find someone else to share your love with or better yet, you will realize that as good as it feels to be in a relationship, it's great to be single again! And that the world is a happy place once again...
There is of course no established foolproof route for getting over an ex that cheated on you. But I would like to hear your stories and how you have changed after that experience. After all, we learn from each other...
This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.
