7 "Fashion Statements" I Don't Quite Understand ...

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If fashion is a language, Lady Gaga is probably speaking Chinese because I don’t understand a thing she’s been saying lately! Hairy dress, celestial dress and finally a meat dress! What’s next and, moreover, what was she trying to suggest by wearing something that could have been a great dinner for at least 20 of the less fortunate ones?! I totally respect her and she has every right to be different and all but this was definitely too much.

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Is it a shoe? A boot? A demonstration of what our own legs would look like if the process of evolution had taken a different turn? I honestly don’t know! I like huge platforms and crazy styles but this… this is just too much and I just can’t understand what was going through the designer’s head while he was “designing” these?

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Helena Bonham Carter definitely speaks the fashion language totally unknown to me! She is an amazing actress and I love her wackiness and uniqueness but, as you can see, this shoe statement was more Greek to me, than the actual language mentioned in this popular phrase. What was she trying to prove? That she has two pairs of the same shoes in different colors? Or that she couldn’t find the other red (or green) shoe? Maybe she couldn’t decide which ones to wear so she was like, “Oh, what the hell, I’ll wear them both!”

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But let’s leave celebs aside for now and talk about a form of madness that’s happening right in front of our own noses! I know I’ve been talking about prints an awful lot these days but I just can’t help it, the more I talk about it the more of these “jungle wonders” I notice around me. What’s so freaking great about wearing every single print imaginable at once? Toss in a fake bake (extra crispy style) and over-bleached hair and you’ll pretty much have one of those kitty cat, zebra-ish “beauties” that show up so full of their selves actually believing people are look at them because they are incredibly hot. I’ve seen at least three of these “kitty cats” over the weekend!

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Hello?! You’ve gotta be kidding me! I mean, what the hell is that! I’ve seen many different ones and they were all equally ugly. Wait, I think the term I’m searching for is “fugly” because, for clogs, even ugly sounds like a compliment. Clog boots, clog shoes, clog sandals – just slap a piece of wood, make it as bulky and ugly as possible and you’ve got yourself a decent clog.

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Now, in case you don’t know what am I talking about, crocs look a bit like those rubber sandals you’d make your toddler wear on the beach to prevent feet injuries caused by sharp rocks. Yup, they look exactly like that-they only have more holes and come in the ridiculously bright almost seizure-inducing colors. Oh yeah, and grownups pay big bucks to actually wear them! If this is comfort, I don’t want to feel comfortable ever again…

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Another fashion trend I’ll never be able to understand, accept or, God forbid, follow! Katie Holmes…okay, I can’t live with the fact that she looks like a total mess but Victoria Beckham, that I just can’t accept because she definitely knows better. The point of Boyfriend jeans style is to find the most retro, crappiest looking pair of jeans, wear them and roll the legs up like you’re expecting a massive flood. The bigger and the more unflattering those jeans are, the better! Gosh!

Well, this was the official list of fashion statements I don’t quite understand and now it’s time to show me yours. Which types of disaster outfits make your blink twice in disbelief? I guess, in some cases, a fashion statement is actually a cry for help.

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