Marriage is an important, life-changing step for two people to take. Once you've said "I do" your life will never be the same. Oh sure, it is possible to divorce and go your separate ways, but in reality, once you've been married, the person you marry is permanently made a part of your life. From that point on until the day you die, a piece of your heart and life will belong to that other person. All this being said, there are 8 things you should talk about before marriage that are very important to your happiness and livelihood for the remainder of your life. Are you ready to talk?
1. "Are We Right for Each Other?"
Too many times, people get caught up in a sexual connection that they have with an individual, and only after they're married and the passion has cooled somewhat, do they realize that even though the sex might be good, they're not right for each other - their lives are too different to exist peacefully together. For this reason, among others, I believe it's very important to save sex for marriage. Instead of building your relationship on sex, build it on friendship and common interests. Find out if you can get along with each other on a day to day basis when sexual feelings are not present. If you find yourself disagreeing more than agreeing, you may not be right for each other. If, on the other hand, you get along and have a true bonding friendship, it's safe to say you can explore the next step in your relationship.
2. "Does My past Bother You?"
By this question, I'm not saying that you have to spill your guts about your entire past to your love interest. Some things are better left unsaid between two people, especially when it comes to personal relationships of the past. Bringing things like this up does nothing but create hard feelings for someone you've never met, and work to make you a very jealous person. On the flip side of this, there are some things about your past that you need to be open and honest about with your possible future spouse. Things like abuse in your past, for instance, can still affect your ability to fully give yourself in a relationship, therefore, making it something that needs to be talked about before it creates problems. Another thing I personally think is important is, if you were sexually promiscuous, you should be tested for STD's and talk about the results of these tests with your significant other. Things like this can not only devastate your own life, but also the life of your partner, so please, talk about these things in your past.
3. "do We Respect Each Other?"
A marriage is doomed for a hard failure if there is no respect between husband and wife. Do you know what "respect" means? According to the Webster's Dictionary, respect means: "To take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration..." Is the person you're considering for marriage someone you regard as worth of special consideration? Are they valuable enough to you to be placed first, before other things in your life? Is that woman worth an occasional bouquet of flowers "just because" or that man special enough for you to take time out of your day to rub his feet or back? If you can honestly answer "yes" then your respect for this person is something worthy of discussion. If not, then you need to find someone else for your soul mate.
4. "Can I Be Your One & Only?"
One of the most common causes of marital problems and divorce stems from one's lack of ability to be faithful to their spouse. Cheating on your spouse is dangerous, and quite frankly, wrong. In your marriage vows, you promise to love, honor and cherish that person, you promise to be faithful to them until the day you die. If you can't keep that promise to this person, don't marry them. A married couple must be able to fulfill each other's desires without any outside help. No matter how creative you need to get, the person you marry must be pleasing and appealing enough to you that you never have need of another. Is your man enough? Is your woman enough?
5. "Will You Love Me when I'm Sick or Old?"
Don't fall in love with someone over their looks alone. Looks do fade with time. Only the beauty on the inside lasts forever. Put yourself in the shoes of the spouse of a cancer patient. Will you still love them when they're sick and losing their hair? Will you love them when they're old and gray? If you fall in love with someone because they're sexy and muscular, or because they're beautiful and have the perfect figure, you've fallen into "lust" not "love" and that will fade with time. Make sure you love the person for who they are. Love their personality. Love that they make you smile when you're sad. Love them for everything that makes them who they are.
6. "do We Have Space?"
Don't lose yourself to the other person. You don't marry someone to become like them - you marry them and together make a unique team. Sure, there are going to be things that you will pick up from each other. You can't live with someone any length of time and not pick up some of their habits. However, it's important that you hold on to yourself. Enjoy doing things together, but make time to do things alone as well. Let him have his fishing time while you go out with the girls. There is nothing wrong with doing things separate every now and then. Give each other enough space to keep your individuality.
7. "do I Support You?"
"Am I there for you like I should be when you need me?" "Are you there for me?" These questions are incredibly important for a healthy relationship. You have to be able to lean on each other for support. You're a team and should be able to depend on one another. Is this person you want to marry able to support you in the way you need? Do they make an effort to understand your problems? Are you a listening ear to their issues as well? Make sure you can emotionally support each other before you get married and find out the hard way.
8. "What do We Disagree on?"
Some issues are minor and are no big deal if a couple disagrees on them. Whether the wall is pink or blue is no big deal. Others things, not so much. To marry and then find out your spouse is completely opposite you in their desire for children can devastate you. I mean, all your life you dreamed of having four beautiful children and your husband just told you he doesn't want any! How can you continue life with this monster? Right? Isn't that how it goes? Issues such as children, finances, working and family are topics that should be discussed long before you walk the aisle. Make sure you see eye to eye on how many children you'd like to have. Talk about how you feel about managing finances and saving money. Do you have plans to be a stay at home mom? Make sure he knows, since he may be planning on sharing the workload with you and expect you to help provide. Don't wait until it's too late.
Marriage is a very important step in life's journey, so make it count. Don't get in a rush - take your time and choose wisely. Do you married readers have another topic the unmarried should talk about to add to this article? Please, feel free to do so!
Top image source: data.whicdn.com