Ever since Caitlin Flanagan unleashed her notorious âwhen a mother works, something is lostâ screed upon an unsuspecting, sleep-deprived, hormone-soupy, guilty and conflicted nation (or maybe that wasnât the nation, and that was just me), Iâve been waiting for the inevitable rejoinder: the woman whoâd step forward and say, just as unapologetically, âYes, and frequently whatâs lost is her independence, financial security, and ability to support herself and her children once the man whoâs making her stay-at-home lifestyle possible canât or wonât anymore.â
I was interested to read about Leslie Bennettâs THE FEMININE MISTAKE, with its house-of-cards cover, which argues just that point.
(I was less thrilled that it's published by a new imprint at Hyperion that says its offerings are aimed at âwomen who are way, way over chick lit.â I suspect they meant that less as a critique of chick litâs themes and quality and more as a comment on their putative readersâ age, but still. Feeling a little excluded here, Hyperion VoiceâŚand if you imply that Iâm too young or ditsy to appreciate your offerings, Iâm likely to oblige you by not buying them).
Bennettsis a longtime contributing editor to Vanity Fair, a former New York Times reporter, first woman to ever cover a presidential campaign for the Times, and the married mother of two.
Itâs a given that her premise, and even her title, would raise eyebrows and ire.
Any time you write a book telling large groups of women that they should feel guiltier than they already do because theyâre screwing up their lives, their kids, their marriages, or all of the above, youâre going to raise eyebrows and ire.
I wasnât expecting sizism.
I wasnât expecting Penelope Trunk.
Penelope Trunk is a professional beach volleyball player turned business advice columnist with a book of her own to flog.
Her thoughtful, informed critique of TFM seems to boil down to this: who is Leslie Bennett to offer anyone life advice when Bennetts is âSO INCREDIBLY FAT!!!â (Caps and exclamation points Trunkâs).
âThis woman,â Trunk wrote, in a blog post sheâs since deleted and replaced with a sorta-kinda apology, â"is walking around telling people you have to have a career while you're raising kids in order to take care of yourself, and she is obviously not taking care of herself. Look, I wouldn't be harping on this if she weren't so fat..."
Wow. Always nice to see a sister raising the tone of the debate.
At first I figured Trunk for a brilliant, if deeply cynical, saleswoman. What better way for a writer without platform or name recognition to raise her profile than to by taking incendiary, Ann Coulter-esque shots at a more established author? (And here I am, helping her out).
But then I thoughtâŚwhat if she actually meant it?
What if sheâd disqualify Bennetts from saying anything about life and kids and having it all because, in spite of her achievements both personal and professional, sheâs not skinny and, thus, de facto, a failure?
Perhaps Penelope Trunk doesnât know anyone bigger than a breadbox. Maybe itâs news to her that it is possible to take care of yourself and still not look like Paulina Porizkova. Health and happiness actually do come in sizes other than zero, and Iâve got no time for anyone who hasnât figured that out. Nor do I have any money, either: I suspect my fat fingers will be unable to work the clasp of my wallet should I put down the Ho Hos, waddle down to the local bookstore and find Trunkâs book there.
If Leslie Bennetts had written a diet book, her size would be fair game.
As it stands, whether you agree with what Bennetts is saying, or disagree, or are so offended by her title or her premise that you wonât read a word of it, I canât see how her size matters at all.
And really
