A Bottle of Red to Numb My Head


A Bottle of Red to Numb My Head
A Bottle of Red to Numb My Head

Holy crap. How did I get here?

After our pleasurable little perusal of the real estate listings, I figured it would be fun to kind of sort of start maybe start looking around at neighborhoods and homes – you know, just poking in the bushes at leisure – so that Red Beard and I could some day eventually get around to the whole buying process. You know, like January or February, but that could turn into March, and the whole thing is just so 2007, which is so way into the future that I can’t even see that far. 2007 is a whopping three months away. Right. So far away.

I even know I’m in denial that buying a house and moving again in the next three months could be an insane pressure cooker that might lead to the death or dismemberment of Red Beard or me, depending on who snaps first. Yes, so I choose to remain in denial and ignorant for the next, oh say 24 hours, because of the bliss this state allows me.

Julie has a friend who is a highly-regarded real estate agent. This highly-regarded real estate agent is babysitting a huge coffee table of mine, since it won’t fit in my current residence. So she’s enjoying it for now until I’m ready to make room for the hulking sucker. For this reason, I shall nickname the real estate agent Coffee. In case you haven’t guessed by now, this is the real estate agent we plan to use. I mean, she has possession of a large piece of wooden furniture that belongs to me, which I think in some cultures means we’re family.

So I sent her a very long and detailed email stating what we think we might want in a home. I was hoping that this would eliminate any need for a sit-down discussion. What I really wanted was for her to say, “Great. Get in my car and I will drive you someplace and dump you off so you can wander around like a mouth breather for a few hours.” Of course what actually happened is that we now have an appointment to go to her office on Saturday afternoon.

Aaaaannnnnnd, she told us that our original goal of buying in January of 2007 or later is not going to work in our favor price wise, since the market picks up come springtime. She said we would be much better off buying in November or December. Can you say holy f***ing sh!t??

Seeing as this conversation was conducted over email this morning and Red Beard has sent me a single four-word email -- not a four-letter word -- four words in response over the course of the entire day, I really can’t gauge his reaction. Perhaps he hasn’t gauged his reaction either. Perhaps he is busy working instead of considering the implications of buying a house in a month or two.

All I know right now is that tonight we’re going out for steak with Julie and Lanky, and this calls for a bottle of red to numb my head.

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