So you’ve come to the end of a relationship. Some of us swear that we will never date again, while others throw themselves into looking for another partner. We’re all different, and some people are soon ready to date again, while others need a break from dating. Here’s how to know if you might be in the second category …
1 Ex Factor
If you spend a lot of time talking about the ex, then it’s a pretty good bet that you’re not over them. Whether you fantasise about your ex’s demise, or yearn to be with them again, it’s really not fair on a new date to waste their time if you’re not over your previous relationship.
So you think that your ex was the most wonderful person in the world, and that no-one will ever match up to them. You’re almost certainly wrong, and in time you will wonder what you ever saw in them. In the meantime, you’re not going to make a go of it with someone who in your eyes doesn’t compare to them, so give dating a miss until you see sense.
Then again, you might be in the bunny boiling stage instead of wearing rose-tinted specs. This is a definite sign that you are not ready to date again. If you still hold anger and resentment against your ex for daring to dump you, you risk getting into another relationship for many wrong reasons, and not treating the new guy well.
4 Hanging on
Now, it would be daft to throw away any gifts of value from your ex. But are you hanging on to sentimental items like a menu from your favourite restaurant, or photos? Do you still haunt places that you used to go to together? Then you haven’t let go, and aren’t ready to try with someone new.
Are you convinced that because your ex treated you badly, all men are the same? That simply isn’t true – there are plenty of really good guys around. Or you might be stereotyping yourself, and thinking that you’ll never find anyone interested in you. Let go of these attitudes before you enter the dating game again.
6 If Only …
A very common mistake we make when a relationship ends is to say to ourself ‘if only …’. If we’d done something different, been what they wanted us to be, or tried harder then it would have worked. It would not. But if you’re still blaming yourself then you are taking all the responsibility for making a relationship succeed. It takes two.
7 Too Keen
Do you look for another partner because you’re afraid to be on your own? Desperation is something that guys can smell a mile off – and they will run before you even get close. It’s really important to be comfortable on your own before you can be with someone else, so don’t be too keen, or if you attract anyone it will definitely be the wrong kind of guy.
There are a lot of lessons that we have to learn when a relationship breaks down. It’s hard going, but one thing we need to do is be able to recognise when we’re not yet ready to date again. How did you know that it was too early for you, or when the time had come?