7 Signs You're Not Ready to Date Again ...

By Alison

So you’ve come to the end of a relationship. Some of us swear that we will never date again, while others throw themselves into looking for another partner. We’re all different, and some people are soon ready to date again, while others need a break from dating. Here’s how to know if you might be in the second category …

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Please subscribe for your personalized newsletter:

1

Ex Factor

If you spend a lot of time talking about the ex, then it’s a pretty good bet that you’re not over them. Whether you fantasise about your ex’s demise, or yearn to be with them again, it’s really not fair on a new date to waste their time if you’re not over your previous relationship.

2

Comparisons

So you think that your ex was the most wonderful person in the world, and that no-one will ever match up to them. You’re almost certainly wrong, and in time you will wonder what you ever saw in them. In the meantime, you’re not going to make a go of it with someone who in your eyes doesn’t compare to them, so give dating a miss until you see sense.

3

Anger

Then again, you might be in the bunny boiling stage instead of wearing rose-tinted specs. This is a definite sign that you are not ready to date again. If you still hold anger and resentment against your ex for daring to dump you, you risk getting into another relationship for many wrong reasons, and not treating the new guy well.

4

Hanging on

Now, it would be daft to throw away any gifts of value from your ex. But are you hanging on to sentimental items like a menu from your favourite restaurant, or photos? Do you still haunt places that you used to go to together? Then you haven’t let go, and aren’t ready to try with someone new.

5

Stereotyping

Are you convinced that because your ex treated you badly, all men are the same? That simply isn’t true – there are plenty of really good guys around. Or you might be stereotyping yourself, and thinking that you’ll never find anyone interested in you. Let go of these attitudes before you enter the dating game again.

Famous Quotes

If you would take, you must first give, this is the beginning of intelligence.

Laozi
6

If Only …

A very common mistake we make when a relationship ends is to say to ourself ‘if only …’. If we’d done something different, been what they wanted us to be, or tried harder then it would have worked. It would not. But if you’re still blaming yourself then you are taking all the responsibility for making a relationship succeed. It takes two.

7

Too Keen

Do you look for another partner because you’re afraid to be on your own? Desperation is something that guys can smell a mile off – and they will run before you even get close. It’s really important to be comfortable on your own before you can be with someone else, so don’t be too keen, or if you attract anyone it will definitely be the wrong kind of guy.

There are a lot of lessons that we have to learn when a relationship breaks down. It’s hard going, but one thing we need to do is be able to recognise when we’re not yet ready to date again. How did you know that it was too early for you, or when the time had come?

Top Photo Credit: photo hayes

Want news and updates about this topic?

Sign up for updates

Please rate this article

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

I really needed to read this post :) thanks a lot

In mid-September, I met this great guy. Sweet, kind, soft-spoken, generous, gentle... we started going out even though we went to different schools and neither of us drove. We saw each other about once a week. He was the first guy who ever liked me. Then he became busy with wrestling and stopped contacting me completely. Because of this, we were unable to plan dates. When we did see each other, he was no longer as physically demonstrative. I broke up with him. When my best guy friend and I spent an evening in San Francisco, I realized I loved him. I had been for over 2 years. My friend had just been dumped by his girlfriend of 8 months. that evening, he told me he had feelings for me. We agreed to take it slow and see what this was... 2 weeks later, he told me he didn't want to ruin our friendship, but I knew it was code for "I don't like you anymore." I had a crush on this friend since we had met, an he had never noticed me. I thought he was the only guy who could ever like me. To have 2 guys in rapid succession just decide they didn't like me anymore. My self-esteem has been destroyed. I don't think I'm ready to date again. I've felt desperate for someone to even just find me attractive, but at the same time, nobody interests me. The thing I want more than anything else in the world is for somebody to love me, or even just think I'm beautiful... but after reading this, I realize I might not be ready to date right now. So thank you for writing this.

thanks for writing this GREAT post :) it makes me realize something :) love all women stalk !! :D <3

More