What's one of the advantages of being in a stable long-term relationship?
The many opportunities available for making a fool of yourself around your sweetie...
...and getting away with it.
But what about when you're around a new dating partner who interests you, and kind of makes you feel all nervous inside?
The reality is:
Dignity attracts, baby. Dignity attracts.
And that's one reason why I want you to hold on to your dignity at almost all times during the early stages of dating -- with a few exceptions, which I'll get to in my next post.
I'm not saying that you have to act unnaturally formal, or put on airs. Be yourself, of course.
Just don't be too much of yourself too soon.
For example, if you happen to be conscientiously working through some "issues" in therapy, good for you. But don't be sitting in a restaurant with a new man in your life, starting ANY sentence with the following phrase:
"My therapist thinks that ********_."
First of all, you don't need to be coughing up something personal like that to a man you're just getting to know. Unless, perhaps, you live in LA or NYC, where everyone seems to be in therapy.
And really, until a man becomes your serious boyfriend or husband -- at which time your therapist's opinions, especially of him, can make his life a living hell -- he's not interested in what that particular person in your life thinks, anyway.
Hopefully he's more interested in what you think.
But wait. Realistically, even a good guy who's slightly in touch with his feminine side will not want to know what's in your head about ALL things while he's first getting to know you.
So here's a short list of topics you might want to save until after you've known a man for a while:
• details of your PMS• baby names you call your pet• ongoing body image struggles• any other issues that got you into therapy
(Come to think of it, no man ever really wants to know how you baby-talk to your pet!)
Dignity in dating. In my opinion, it's not about following rigid rules for what a woman or man should do. It's not about fixed timelines, either.
It's about having self-respect, and commanding respect.
Plus, when you're feelin' your dignity, it's easier for you to figure out with any particular man when it's time to share yourself.......and when it's not.
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And you know the one thing that can REALLY help you figure out how to do that?
Being smart about how much alcohol you drink around him.
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Just to keep you on your toes, next post I'll be discussing why I believe that sometimes you do need to be a fool for love.