All Women's Talk

My Blog My Fri-enemy ...

By Larissa

**It's been a few months since I kicked off this countdown, and let me tell ya, it's been a non-stop roller coaster ever since.

Think of it.

Take the one thing you're most vulnerable about, and instead of pushing it to the back of your mind like you normally have done for years, you confront it on a daily basis. You're overcompensating for your past denial, but whether that's a good or bad thing is unclear.

I seriously had no idea what to expect when I kicked off this blog.

Sure, I hoped to entertain people with my silly dating stories. Little did I know, however, that I'd be held accountable for my BS by the people who read this blog. There's no room for excuses when you have someone(s) to answer to -- regardless if we've met or not.

Already in these few months, I've felt myself grow by confronting those things I need to work on that in the past I easily pushed aside and tucked away (I've recognized that I sabotage relationship opportunities, for example). And I've tried new things that I wouldn't have considered before (from blind dates to skiing).

Then there's the blogging community itself.

At my first **
**DC Blogger happy hour**
, I met some truly amazing individuals, and I'm looking forward to meeting even more at the next one I attend. I've also 'gotten to know' (well in the online sense anyway) some terrific and inspiring folks in places I've never even been (
**say Omaha**
**). And who would have known that when I visit my old New York digs, I have **
** **
** **
** to grab cocktails with? (One of which I tried **
**setting up**
** with one of my friends, hehe.)

Then there are the emails I receive. Both women and men have written me to share that they too find themselves Accidental Virgins, and at times feel that I can be writing about their lives. They're glad to know they're not alone (hey, me too!). That it's not something to be ashamed of, it just is what it is. Sure, we're not the norm, but that doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with us either. When being a virgin crossed over from being a prized honor to a social stigma is beyond me. With that said, it's nice to know there are others out there in my boat who aren't waiting until marriage, holding on to it for religious/moral reasons and won't lose it just to lose it in a one night stand. We're in a grey zone. I'm not worried that it won't happen for us. I was a late bloomer growing up, perhaps this is no different?

Yet aside from all of the good mentioned above, I often wonder if writing about my AV-ness everyday makes me a little more sensitive on subjects when it comes to dating and relationships. When my friends and I were having a typical chat the other day about the differences women and men have in terms of settling down and relationships, I felt myself check out of the conversation. I zoned out as their arguments and theories floated around me. Part of this, I realize, is because a conversation like this is not a daily event for them. It's more of a novelty. For me, on the other hand, I talk about my AV-ness/dating life with you every day. Hmm. My friend Nate also made a good point that guys can sense when a girl is looking for a relationship. And as we know, vulnerability is unattractive, while confidence is.

While this blog is helping me grow in some areas in my life, I wonder if it also makes me a little vulnerable since I am analyzing my dating life everyday.

It's a Catch 22 isn't it?

This blog might be helping and hurting at the same time. Which side is winning remains to be seen.

In the meantime, I'll still be here.


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