Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my favorite tough chickicons. She’s fierce, self-reliant, unapologetic for who she is -- and doesn’t takecrap (real or imagined…) off a male of any species.
In fact, even during her rare soft moments, Buffy’s the kind of woman who sends a strong message to anyone who gets within ten yards of her:
Don’t mess with me.
While you have to admire her strength, let’s just saythat Buffy’s taste in men and vampires isn’t always exemplary. Not to mentionthat her troubled relationships start hot then predictably burn out.
Buffy's tough chick ways actually remind me of real women I work withas coaching clients, know personally as friends andrelatives, or read as blog authors.
And in some ways I resemble her too.
It’s a wonderful thing for a woman to know how to take careof herself. And there are times when she needsto be fierce. Like when she’s fighting for fair and respectful treatment on thejob, and standing up for herself in all sorts of situations.
Some fierceness can also come in handy when a woman gets involvedwith an emotional bloodsucker, cleverly disguised as a goodguy. Once she realizes what’s she’s up against, in order to save herself andher sanity, she has to take a Buffy-sized stand -- and then hopefully leave theguy far, far behind.
The problem for some Buffy types, unfortunately, is thatthey’re so good at all thatfierceness, self-reliance, and unapologetic ass-kicking that they sometimes findit hard to come out of “Don’t Mess With Me” slayer mode -- even with a good guywho isn’t an emotional bloodsucker in disguise.
And when a woman stays mainly in slayer mode -- alwaysprepared to rid the world of assholes -- she can seriously mess up a potentiallygood relationship.
That’s because the “Don’t Mess With Me” woman is more likelyto do the following in dating situations and relationships:
• Pick fights and run• Close herself off emotionally• Use excessive verbal force in arguments• Express every feeling (even hurt) as anger• Create various tests and challenges for the man to fail• Fundamentally mistrust a man simply because he’s a man• Over-analyze everything so that she doesn't get hurt again• Be ever-vigilant for a man’s screw-ups (even the small ones)
And…
• Wear a man out with her never-ending quest tomake the world a safer place, one asshole at a time
Plus, a Buffy type often attracts men who like thechallenge of getting past her slayer mode more than they actually want to getclose to her and have a real relationship.
Keep in mind that there's usually a very good reason why a woman frequently hangs out her "Don't Mess With Me" sign around men: at least one man has messed with her badly. So of course she's going to be self-protectively tough on the outside.
But on the inside, she's probably all soft and mooshy. There are men who can be trusted with that. The thing is, they're going to need to get close enough to the woman to prove it!
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If you consider yourself a Buffy (or Lara Croftor Ripley or GI Jane) type, is it possible that you're hanging out your "Don't Mess With Me" sign too often with potentially good guys?
Or would you try to convince me that it's always "Better to be safe than sorry (again...)"?