Kelly Clarkson is Sad

Hey, who stole my bucket of KFC?

According to The National Enquirer, Kelly Clarkson is having an emotional meltdown. Her concert was recently canceled due to rumored low ticket sales, she recently fired her manager and is battling with Clive Davis, the head of her record label. She’s also gained 32 lbs. trying to soothe her loneliness with food.

“Kelly’s become a very sad person.” Added a source:, “Clearly her problem is low self-esteem. She cries all the time and complains that no man will love her looking like she does, then she eats to comfort herself.”

Then the article goes on about how lonely and fat she is. No really, for the next paragraph or two, it just talks about her eating because she’s lonely, eating greasy foods, gaining weight and being generally pathetic.

“Kelly has spent two years stewing over David [Hodges, her ex boyfriend]. It’s still with her every day,” said the source. Kelly even lashes out at her ex in two songs she wrote for her new album, “Irvin” and “Never Again.” She admitted she wrote “Irvine” lying curled up on a bathroom floor, feeling miserable, following a concert performance late last year.

I think they’re trying to tell me something and for some reason the word “failure” keeps popping into my head. Why?! I hope it’s not a brain tumor. That would be FAILURE. Damn, there it is again.