Rejection is one of life’s most unpleasant little realities.Every time you start a relationship, there’s a risk that the other person coulddecide to walk away before you do. So, on some level, knowledge of that risk isgoing to be in your mind.
But that doesn’t mean you go into relationships, expecting to get rejected.
Or maybe…….you do?
One of the worst things about expecting rejection -- evenfrom a man who isn’t on his way out of the relationship -- is that it can be aself-fulfilling prophecy. As in, the more you fear being dumped, the morelikely you are to do stupid things that ultimately will get you dumped.
In one study with couples, researchers found that connectionbetween a woman’s pessimistic outlook, what she did in her relationship, and whether or not her worst fears came true.
Participants in the study were asked to rate their honest feelings about their partner andtheir relationship. Both people in each of the couples also filled out aquestionnaire regarding their “rejection sensitivity.” That is, how much theyworried about being rejected in general by a significant other.
Then each couple was videotaped discussing a touchy subject thattended to cause problems in their relationship. After that discussion -- whichgot heated for some couples -- everyone was asked again to rate their honestfeelings about their partner and their relationship.
Meanwhile, psychologists rated those discussion videotapesfor hostility, an unpleasant tone of voice, put-downs, and other nasty comments.
Care to take a guess about what the researchers discovered?
Before thevideotaped discussion of a touchy subject, the partners of more “rejection-sensitive”women felt just as positive abouttheir relationship as the partners of women who were less“rejection-sensitive.” But after thevideotape discussion, the partners of the more “rejection-sensitive” women weremore pissed off.
And there’s a very good reason why that happened.
Apparently, the women who feared rejection the most (i.e., the“rejection-sensitive” girls) also happened to be more hostile, unpleasant, andgenerally nasty while discussing the touchy subject with their partner.
This doesn’t surprise me. Anxiety and insecurity gohand-in-hand with a free-floating fear of being rejected. And that combinationof negative feelings is not going to bring out the best, most appealingbehavior in ANY woman!
Wondering what happened later in the relationships of the "rejection-sensitive" women? Their relationships were nearly threetimes more likely to end than those of the other women in the study.
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If you think you might be a “rejection-sensitive” girl -- evenwith men who don’t give you good reasons to be worried -- it’s worth your time tofigure out WHY. Start by asking yourself if you doubt your attractiveness orfundamental lovability.
Because, if you doubt what you have to offer a man, no matter what he says or does to convince you that he wants you, you'll be waiting for him to leave. Sadly, you'll probably also help him to leave.
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Oh, and if you’ve become “rejection-sensitive” because you keeppicking bad boys who don’t commit to anyone, then.......stop picking them. And figure out why you aren't drawn to men who can commit!
And yes, men who commit AND treat women decently are out there.