I don’t know about you, but I just hate when people put me in the position where I have to say "no." Some do in on purpose, expecting you won’t have the guts to do it, while others have no ulterior motives, which, of course, doesn’t make it any less problematic. Here, let me share some ideas on how to say no without having to feel guilty:
1. When You Have Been Asked on a Date
Refusing to go out on a date with somebody can be rather tricky sometimes. Especially if that person is your boss or your coworker. Being rude, unpleasantly surprised, or just letting the icy "no" burst out of your mouth is definitely not a good idea. Act as if you didn’t understand the real nature of the proposal and say, "Oh, thanks, I would love to discuss the so-and-so strategy some more, but I’m afraid my boyfriend would see that differently." Voila, his ego is saved because if you think it’s not a date, he doesn’t feel rejected.
2. When a Friend Asks to Borrow Your Car/some Money
Friends often come out with these questions and I honestly don’t mind sharing as long as they respect the deal and return everything as agreed. If a friend starts to abuse your trust, or you just don’t have much faith in her, simply refuse by saying, “Sorry, I do not loan money to anybody. It’s just this rule I have and you are a great friend so I know you will understand.”
3. When You Have Been Offered Food You Don’t Want
You are on a diet, you’ve just ate, or the food a person is insisting on looks inedible – how to get out of that one without insulting the proud cook? Simply smile and say: Mmm, that smells and looks amazing, but my allergies are going crazy these days, I wouldn’t like to spoil the evening for everybody. But, I would love some more of that great wine!
4. When You Are Being Pushed to Take up an Assignment
If your boss constantly keeps piling up new assignments because he/she knows you never say no, you have to let him/her know that you just can’t (or you are not paid enough to) handle that workload. Say, “Oh, that’s a very interesting assignment, but I’m currently busy with this and this. Would you like me to change my schedule?”
5. When You Have Been Invited to an Event You Don’t like
Look thrilled and say "great," then frown like you’ve just remembered something terrible and add, "damn, I have that thing this week, there is no way I could re-schedule that. Well, you guys will just have to have fun without me!"
6. When a Salesperson is Trying to Get You to Buy Something
Sweetie, it’s your money and you are the one that has to draw a line. Ok, we’ve all had those situations, but you have to agree that waiting for her shift to end just so you could return the object you were forced into buying, is tiring. Here’s a useful one that leaves no space for further discussion: It’s a bit out of my price range. Game over, you win!
7. When People Constantly Need You to do Something for Them
Lear now to politely say “I’m sorry but I really cannot do it right now.” You are not the one responsible for solving everybody else’s problems; you have your own things you need to take care of. So, if they start with “Would you mind…” reply “Yes, I would…” You see, you didn’t say no but the context is completely different.
These things really helped me change my behavior, have more free time and stop feeling like I’m constantly being pressured to do something. How about you? Do you know how to say no to people?
Top Photo Credit: Horia Varlan
Frequently Asked Questions
- How can I politely say no without hurting someone's feelings?
- You can gently express appreciation for their offer while clearly stating your boundaries, like saying, 'Thank you for thinking of me, but I’ll have to pass this time.'
- Is it okay to give a vague excuse when turning someone down?
- Yes, but keep it respectful and avoid over-explaining to maintain honesty without causing discomfort.
- What's a good way to say no in a professional setting?
- Use polite and direct language such as, 'I appreciate the opportunity, but I’m unable to commit right now.'
- How do I say no to a friend without damaging the relationship?
- Be honest but kind, and suggest an alternative meet-up or plan to show you still value the friendship.
- Can body language help when turning someone down politely?
- Absolutely, a friendly smile and gentle tone can soften the refusal and show you mean no harm.
- Should I always explain why I’m saying no?
- Not necessarily; a brief reason can help, but it’s okay to simply say, 'I’m not able to.' without detailed explanations.
- How do I handle persistent people after I've said no?
- Stay firm and repeat your boundary calmly; it’s important to be consistent without getting defensive.
- Is it rude to say no quickly without small talk?
- No, promptness can be polite if done respectfully, as it saves time and reduces awkwardness.
- What phrases can make a no sound softer?
- Try phrases like 'I appreciate it, but...', 'That sounds great, however...', or 'I’m flattered, but...'.
- How can I practice turning people down politely?
- Role-play common scenarios with friends or in front of a mirror to build confidence and find your comfortable phrasing.