She was shocked, and wanted to know how on earth I stayed friends with so many of my exes. Here are some tips:
1. End It Well
Don’t cheat or lie or steal. If the relationship ends well, it’s more likely you’ll be able to remain friends.
2. Don’t Badmouth Him
If he ends the relationship badly, resist the temptation to badmouth him, especially to his friends, or to your mutual friends. Don’t badmouth his new girlfriends, either.
3. Give It Some Time
It may not be easy to see each other or spend time together right after the relationship ends. Give it some time.
4. Don’t Make Your Mutual Friends Choose Sides
If you have a lot of friends in common, don’t make them decide who was right and who was wrong. It will just make everyone uncomfortable, including you.
5. Let It Go
To become or stay friends, you have to let go of the past. It won’t work if the only reason you want to stay friends is so you can maybe get back together later.
6. Move on
It will be easier to stay friends if you have someone, or something, new in your life. And having a sense of humor about it will help.
7. Don’t Reminisce
When you do start spending time together again, don’t reminisce about “old times” when you used to date. He’ll be uncomfortable, especially if he’s dating someone new.
8. Do It for the Kids
If you have children together, there’s no better reason than them to try and stay friends. They’ll sense the tension and it will make their lives hell. That’s a great motivation.
9. Know when to Bow out Gracefully
If one of you is uncomfortable on certain topics or around certain people, know when to leave.
10. Stop Hooking up
If you’re not dating, you shouldn’t be sleeping together anymore. It will just muddle everyone’s perspective and feelings.
Trust me, by following these rules, you’ll be able to stay friends with most of the guys you date, even if it ends with hurt.
Do you have any tips or stories to share? How do you stay friends with an ex?
Frequently Asked Questions
- Is it really possible to be friends with an ex?
- Yes, many people successfully transition from romantic relationships to friendships with clear boundaries and mutual respect.
- How soon can I try to be friends with my ex?
- It's best to wait until both of you have healed emotionally and feel comfortable interacting without romantic tension.
- What’s the first step to becoming friends after a breakup?
- Start with casual, low-pressure communication like sharing a message or coffee as friends.
- Should we talk about why we broke up before being friends?
- Having an honest conversation about your breakup can help set expectations and clear any lingering feelings.
- How do I set boundaries when being friends with my ex?
- Discuss what’s okay and what’s off-limits to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
- Is it okay to have mutual friends after breaking up?
- Absolutely! Maintaining mutual friendships can help ease social transitions post-breakup.
- What if my feelings for my ex still linger?
- Focus on healing yourself fully before trying to be friends to avoid emotional confusion.
- Can we be friends if one of us moves on romantically?
- Yes, with maturity and respect, many exes maintain friendships even when dating others.
- How do I handle jealousy or awkwardness in our new friendship?
- Open communication and patience help navigate difficult emotions as you build new dynamics.
- What if my friends or family don’t support me being friends with my ex?
- Remind them that your happiness matters and that healthy friendships can follow breakups.