Here’s some pictures of Lindsay Lohan playing with a knife, flashing her bra and getting her nipple pinched. I don’t know if these are old or new, but I haven’t seen them so that makes them new because I’m always right. That’s what it says on my mug I bought for myself. My friends tell me that’s not how the joke works, but what do they know, they’re not even real.

For some reason, the Lindsay news keeps coming despite being in rehab (kind of). She could take a dump in the woods and the media would be all over it. Meanwhile, I take a dump in the middle of my street and the police have to be involved. There’s no justice in the world.