Damsels in distress in movies, books, and TV shows have always sort of gotten on my nerves. I mean, so many of them put themselves in that situation, do you know what I mean? I don't want to say they had it coming but … well, yeah I do. I'm sorry, I totally do. I think if you take a look at all of these examples, though, you'll agree with me – and even if you don't, it'll give us something to talk about! As it stands, I double dare you to take a look at all these damsels in distress who kind of had it coming, and see if you don't understand what I mean.
Countless games. Countless castles. Countless boss defeats. At this point, Bowser can have her. How many times has Mario risked his neck? I can't even comprehend why he cares anymore, let alone why he's done it so many times in the past. This girl has a victim complex – or else she just wants to live in a castle. Maybe she craves a better lifestyle than a plumber can provide.
Ditto Zelda. Link just needs to give up the ghost. It's like she's constantly asking him to prove his love for her, and at this point, I'd just be like, “Bye, baby, I'm Audi 5000.” There is not that much love in the world, y'all.
You hang around a guy in an ascot, a potential stoner and his equally dazed dog, and a brain who probably resents the hell out of you, and you think it's a great time to get into tons of sticky situations. If you ask me, every “mystery” the gang ever solved was set up by Daphne so she could be the center of attention and have Fred come to her rescue. Around the fourth or fifth time I noticed that the “ghost” or “monster” was some random townie in disguise, I would have asked Velma to ride shotgun.
Is it just me, or does it seem like Olive Oyl was totally playing the tease with both Bluto and Popeye? It's like she could never decide who she wanted anyway, because half the time, she just egged Bluto on. And got poor Popeye addicted to steroids so he could constantly come to her rescue. Typical damsel in distress!
I'm sorry Twi-fans, but you have to see that this is true. Constantly getting into trouble, constantly needing rescued, makes the dumbest decisions in all of life. And as if always being saved by Edward isn't enough, she's got to get the werewolf into the act, too!
This name might not be familiar to some of you, but this girl … oh, this girl. Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael were constantly responsible for saving this babe. She apparently believes her press pass and yellow jumpsuit make her invisible, but honey, you are NOT in Kill Bill, okay?
This babe always made me feel sorry for Woody. You'd expect Barbie to be in constant need of rescue, but oh no, it's the little shepherd girl who should actually know better. And she even has a weapon!
Look, I'll admit it. I just don't like Mary Jane. But she does always get herself into the biggest scrapes, because oh hey, Spidey's not going to let her die – even though he so totally gets the short end of the stick all the time.
I like Jessica, but as a damsel in distress, she does sort of have it coming. It's not the way she dresses or anything – she's just drawn that way, it's not her fault – but the company she keeps. If you have adorable Roger Rabbit at your beck and call, stop playing patty cake with dirty studio executives! And stay away from the Disney characters on general principle!
Smurfette is so obviously a total attention whore. Surrounded by all those boys, it's no wonder she always pulls the whole damsel in distress act. But I mean … she's the only girl. She will always have attention. Just … bake a cake or something a little less dangerous, I don't know. Or else you deserve to be captured by Gargamel, okay?
Some fictional girls didn't ask to be damsels in distress. Like, Rapunzel didn't lock herself away, you know? But Princess Peach? Olive Oyl? Ladies, come on. You got yourselves into some bad situations there. I can't help but think you could have prevented getting kidnapped at least some of the time. Are there any other damsels in distress who just wear on your nerves?
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