يبدو أن مفهوم غريب أليس كذلك؟ أن يكون أكثر سعادة يجب أن تكون حزينة. ولكنه صحيح. إذا كنت تريد أن تكون ليس فقط شخص أكثر سعادة ولكن أفضل شخص، يمكنك أن احتضان الحزن. دعونا نرى لماذا وكيف.
Table of contents:
1 You Cannot Make Your Sad Feelings Go Away
Embracing sadness can make you happier. The world is full of people that are sad about one thing or another. If you ever meet a truly happy person, you do not know that person very well. Every single person has a reason to give up, but the point is that we don’t. The world is a cruel and harsh place, and it is going to kick you until you bleed. Ignoring the pain that life causes is the fastest route to alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual perversion and even suicide. Life is going to kick you, and you have to let it hurt. You have to give yourself time to let your hurt go away. You cannot change what is in the past, but you can make damn sure that things do not go the same way in the future. Let yourself feel sad, so that you may heal and become happy again. Bottle up your feelings, and they will be expressed in another (and usually more negative) way.
2 Acceptance is the Most Difficult Hurdle
Elizabeth Kubler Ross says we go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The first three, denial, anger, and bargaining happen in any order, and we often find that the first four seem to happen out of sync, such as how one day you are angry, the next you are depressed, and then right back to angry again, and so on. The last stage is always acceptance, and it is the most difficult stage. Your goal is to find a way to accept what has happened, and learn as much as you can from it. If your goal is not acceptance and learning, then you may find yourself stuck in the Kubler Ross cycle forever. Happiness will come after acceptance, but you have to let the other stuff happen first.
3 Sadness is Seductive
There is a lot of comfort to be had from feeling sad. We all know depressive and moody people because they are everywhere. Are they genuinely having a terrible life, or are they seeking out and focusing on negative and horrible things? Why would somebody do this? People do it because feeling sorry for yourself is comforting. Begin depressed, sad and moody turns into a big, safe, warm blanket with which we are able to soothe ourselves. What is worse is that the world is full of people that spend their lives trying to make other people happy, which means that being moody, sad and depressed is a great way of getting attention. These are the reasons why sadness is seductive, but it is not healthy, and people will eventually become tired of engaging with sad, moody, moany and depressive people.
4-وقف عناء مع مضايقات صغيرة
Most people have an element in their life that annoys them. For some, it is how the price of Pringles goes up and down dramatically and on a whim. For other people, it is the plastic piece on the bottom of their door that now makes it stiff to lock. These are issues you may wish to change, but your attitude towards them needs to change first. If you were struck down with cancer, MS, and liver failure tomorrow, do you think your little annoyances would matter as much? You are choosing to “allow” them to annoy you, so make another choice.
5-لا تضع قبالة "الحزن الخاص بك"
معظم الناس على شقة في دفن مشاعرهم. قد أنهار العالم حولك، ولكن للأسرة والأصدقاء وزملاء العمل الخاص بك، يبدو أنك تكون بعد أسبوع عادي. لا يمكنك تدور حولها على الأرض يبكي ويصرخ في السماء لأن كنت جيدة في إخفاء الخاص بك الحزن والأسى، ولكن لا ينبغي تأجيل ذلك. تقول لنفسك أن تجاهل هذه المسألة والتعامل معها في يوم آخر غير صحي. إذا كنت تفعل ذلك لفترة طويلة جداً، ثم تحتاج غالباً تعليمات لمساعدتك في الحفاظ على إحساسك بالذات. عما قريب سيتم تشغيل للمسكرات تساعدك على نسيان أو التوقف عن التفكير، أو كنت سوف تتحول إلى الجنس لا معنى لها، والقسوة على الآخرين وإيذاء النفس، والنوم أكثر من اللازم. التعامل مع الحزن والأسى هو "الذهاب إلى يصب الكثير"، ولكن إطالته يجعل الألم تستفحل إلى النقطة حيث كنت غير قادر على التعامل معها.
6 Depression is a Means, Not an End
Many people enter a state of clinical depression at some point in their lives. The idea is to work through it. Some events deserve a bout of depression! If you lose a friend to cancer, or your cat is run over, those events deserve a period of grief and depression. You are not a robot or a Vulcan; you have feelings and they were hurt. However, you must remember that sticking with depression and not allowing yourself to recover is a slap in the face to the ones you lost. The most precious things you have are their memories, not your hurt feelings of missing them. Things are not beautiful because they last forever!
7 You Are Not Supposed to Be Happy All the Time
There is an unspoken rule that you are supposed to be happy all the time, but trying to be so is both frustrating and tiring. Come to terms with the fact that some days are going to be bad, sad and outright boring. Stop trying to make everything a happy experience or a perfect experience. So your boyfriend accidentally peed on the bath mat; it was bound to happen one day. So your mother favored your brother again; it’s her loss. So you turned up late for work again because your phone battery died during the night; it is just another learning experience that you may remedy so you don’t miss something even more important in the future. Plus the people you work for are lucky to have you in their team at all!
I love that the theory of the pursuit of happiness depends more on the way you defeat sadness than because of it simply not being a factor. Are you ready to stop resisting sadness and embrace it to move forward positively?