First of all, I have to thank several of the ladies who commented for inspiring this post – thank you! Women have a reputation for being judgmental toward one another. Female cattiness is becoming a stereotype. I personally blame Mean Girls (not really – well, not entirely). I'm even guilty of it myself, which led me to check out some of the main reasons why women judge each other.
Photo credit: k-ko
Sometimes, when you are insecure with some aspect of yourself, it can make you feel insecure around women you think have it all. This happens to me all the time. You don't really mean to judge, but sometimes you can't help comparing yourself. She may have what you consider a dream job, fabulous clothes, beautiful teeth, fabulous hair – something that makes you aware of what you perceive as your own flaws.
Insecurity can really do a number on your self-esteem, and the green-eyed monster of jealousy isn't far behind. When we're feeling less than our best, it's almost automatic to scan the room and pinpoint every woman who seems just that bit more 'together' than you. The result? A mental list of all the ways you don't measure up, and a silent war of judgment commences. It's not the proudest moment, but it’s human nature. The key is to catch yourself, take a breath, and remember that everyone has their own struggles, even the ones that seem perfect on the surface.
Sometimes a lack of self esteem makes you consider something you think is lacking in others, as a means to build yourself up. It's typically not a consciously mean or malicious act or thought. Think of the Mean Girls, though – even as a fictional clique, they embodied a lot of the issues that can make girls act catty.
This tends to get better as you get always, but not always. Let's go back to grade school: even then there was a popular clique of girls. Sometimes there was one or two of them who would, back in those innocent days, spend the night with you or go somewhere with your family, and the two of you were just like friends – until you got back to school. Because the girl then felt like she had to adapt the behavior of her friends again, to hang onto that fluid, ever changing popularity.
Photo credit: My Short Stories
This is related to the idea of cattiness sometimes being learned behavior. Your friends can make you act a certain way, even if it's not necessarily how you feel or what you want to feel. I did it in high school. Geek example: remember, the trombone players hated the trumpet players with a passion. My best friend played trumpet, but for 50 minutes a day we hated each other.
I bet a lot of you have at least one friend, acquaintance, colleague, or family member with whom you are in constant competition. One or both of you might be fueling it, but it pops up in dozens of different ways. It's easy to be judgmental then, because one or both of you wants to emerge as the leader.
Whether it's about career milestones, relationship status, or lifestyle choices, this competition often results in a silent scorecard being held over each other's heads. It's especially potent when society pits women against each other, touting benchmarks of success that are as arbitrary as they are relentless. When one achieves something, it can be hard not to feel like you're lagging behind. The result? Judgment, as a façade for our own insecurities or as a direct reflection of feeling threatened by the other person's achievements. It's a trap that's all too easy to fall into but one we must strive to recognize and rise above.
It's been said that jealousy often inspires cattiness, and that is true. It's not true for everyone at every time, but it is a fairly undeniable fact. You don't necessarily have to be jealous of something huge, it might be an opportunity, a feature, even a car or house. You can start hating without even realizing it. And, in regard celebrities and things, you might just like to snark!
Photo credit: Aubirdy
I've heard many women say they are a guy's girl, and I can understand it. I used to be a boy's girl on the playground, and I still tend to have more male friends than female friends, I confess. However, the female friends I have are definitely my very best, because they understand me on a level a guy never could. These women may be judgmental as a means of defense or protection. Many of them evince fear at being friends with other women.
As above, some women are uncertain about being friendly with other women. That might cause them to compensate by becoming too judgmental.
What I mean here is that some girls have just forgotten about the joys of female friendship. I think this happens to a lot of women at one time or another. Like, when I was a kid, I was a huge tomboy. From ages six through ten, I wanted nothing to do with any of the girls in my class – and then when I did, they wanted nothing to do with me, which left us being completely catty and judgmental with one another. It may take just the right girlfriend to help you remember how fulfilling female friendship is, but it's generally well worth the wait.
I have to say, I recognize aspects of myself in a lot of these, which is a huge eye opener. What about y'all? Why do you think girls and women can be so catty to each other? Do you ever do it? How do you think we can all stop?
Top Photo Credit: Feeling Croppy