Although it’s said that blood is thicker than water, I know many people who have concluded that it simply isn’t true in all cases. Certainly, ideally our family would be there to support us (and vice versa), but sometimes there just isn’t a positive relationship – and when there is, family members may still not be the best people to turn to. Here’s why...
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Just because you’re related doesn’t mean you will get on. People envy me because I have a close relationship with my sisters, but that didn’t happen automatically. It developed over time, and required an effort on both sides.
Family relationships can be complicated, and not everyone has a close bond with their relatives. Despite the common saying that “blood is thicker than water”, it doesn’t always guarantee a strong relationship. It takes hard work, effort, and dedication to build and maintain a relationship with family members. People can be envious of those who have a close relationship with their siblings, but it doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and understanding to grow and nurture a strong bond. A healthy family relationship is beneficial for both parties, and can lead to a more positive outlook on life.
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I don’t think it’s too drastic to say that some people should never have become parents. Genuine cruelty cases may be in the minority, but certain parents do a poor job of caring for the children they brought into the world. Some of my friends have been badly let down by the very people who should love them most and understandably want little or nothing to do with them now.
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Mothers can be jealous of daughters, especially if they resent their daughter’s youth. A sibling may undermine another. Parents can show a preference for one child over another, or even exclude one from their favour. No one should feel like the odd one out in the family …
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In the past, there was much less mobility, and people tended to stay in the area where they grew up. Nowadays, we are much more likely to move for work, study, relationships, or simply because we want to. So your family may be a long way off, whereas you will have friends nearby when you need help.
With the world becoming increasingly globalized, families can end up scattered across different cities, states, or even countries. This physical distance can impact the type and frequency of support we can expect from family members. It's often friends—who are just a call away or perhaps living in the same city—who can provide immediate assistance, be it for a spontaneous coffee date to vent, an emergency babysitting request, or help with moving houses. These day-to-day interactions with friends can create a practical support system that may be more accessible than familial ties.
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Some day we will nearly all face the prospect of elderly parents needing care. With the best will in the world, family members are not always the best people to provide that care. If you want to, and you can cope, then fine, but not everyone is cut out for the role (and that is not their fault). Feeling pushed into being a carer will simply lead to stress and resentment.
Recognizing our own limitations is crucial. Caring for elderly relatives often requires skills and emotional resilience not everyone possesses. Unfortunately, for some, guilt becomes their driving force, pushing them into roles they are not suited for. Quality care is about skill as much as intention, and professional care may sometimes be the answer to ensure our loved ones receive the best support. Real love is knowing when to step in, and when to step back to allow for adequate care from those trained to provide it.
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Equally, not all parents want their children to look after them in old age. They want their children to have their own lives. The other side of this is that parents should not feel obliged to provide regular childcare for grandchildren – they too have a right to do what they want with their time.
Family can be a source of love and support, but not all families are the same. Some families are more distant and don't provide the same level of support as others. Furthermore, family members have their own lives and responsibilities to attend to, and they may not have the time or energy to provide the level of care that is expected of them. This is especially true for grandparents, who may be called upon to provide childcare for grandchildren, but also have the right to choose how they spend their time. Ultimately, family is not always the best option for everyone, and it is important for individuals to make decisions that are best for them.
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Families can be very close, but growing up together and being related doesn’t automatically mean that you will get on with someone. Family members can be very different people, and any relationship is complicated, even that of families.
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Ideally we should be able to confide in our family about everything in our lives, and turn to them when we have problems. Sometimes, though, we are reluctant to do so for fear of worrying them. Depending on the situation, it can be better to share your problems with a friend, who may not be affected in quite the same way as a family member. They may also be more impartial!
Do you think that family should be more important than anything else? Have you reason to think the opposite? Do you love your family or have little to do with them?
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