Have you ever noticed that trying to assert your stance, even just explaining it in the hopes he’ll see where you’re coming from, makes the walls start to go up? Or how, once you get exasperated with him, rolling your eyes instantly makes those walls go even higher? Disrespect works both ways. But, if you’re anything like I was, it can be unclear what disrespect actually looks like for men. I had no idea that trying to make my husband see things my way or just being “helpful” with his job search or finishing his sentences for him were all disrespectful. I didn’t realize that respect is like oxygen for men and I was suffocating my man--and our intimacy. If the current dynamic isn’t working for you either, how about trying something different? Try letting him say his piece uninterrupted. Simply listen to what he’s saying and reply with “I hear you.” Responding with such calm, respectful words has a way of dousing the anger in a hurry. If you’ve already bitten the bait and been disrespectful yourself, clean up your side of the street with the “magic formula” that author Laura Doyle shares here. Apologize for how you’ve been disrespectful, either in the past or in this instance. Not only do you get to feel dignified by taking responsibility for your part, you single-handedly create a culture of mutual respect. Better yet, don’t take the bait in the first place. Instead, when the curses or insults come at you, express your hurt by saying “Ouch” and leaving the conversation. Believe it or not, he isn’t usually trying to hurt you. It may be that he’s hurt himself. He might not even realize that he’s being hurtful. Expressing your hurt this way will teach him how to treat you in a hurry. Showing such vulnerability is a game-changer - as long as you’ve maintained showing respect yourself. If you gave in and called him a big old jerk, the intimacy has already been compromised (leaving you with more cleaning up to do). Another way to show vulnerability is by expressing connecting feelings, such as sadness and loneliness. Telling him how angry or annoyed you are, on the other hand, isn’t so connecting. Even saying how hurt you felt when he [fill in the blank] comes across as criticism and ultimately hurts your connection.