By Elaine Viets
"I had to cut my hair for a new job," a gentleman told me. "I’ve always had long hair and a neat, well-trimmed beard. To get this job, it all had to go – the hair and the face fur.
"When the barber finished shearing me, I could hardly look in the mirror," he said. "I looked like a boiled egg. But it was a good job, with more money than I’d made in a long time. Besides, the boss told me I could wear my hair longer in a couple of months."
"‘It’s just hair,’ I told myself. ‘It will grow back.’
"Here’s what surprised me. Ever since that haircut, I’m getting women telling me how good I look. It’s not true. I don’t look good and I know it. My face was more in proportion with long hair. The beard gave me a stronger chin."
The man was not exaggerating. I saw the before and after versions. He looked better with long hair. He appeared to be about fifty. In his hairy days, he didn’t wear his blond hair down to his shoulders, but sort of early Beatles long. It gave him an artistic look. The neatly trimmed beard made his face seem thinner and emphasized his cheekbones. His long nose was elegant and distinguished. Put him in velvet and a white ruff, and he could pose as a portrait of an English lord. With short hair and tie, he was attractive enough, but round-faced and ordinary, like a CPA or a high-level government employee.
"What’s going on?" he said. "I’ve never been hit on so much in my life. I’m not complaining. I’m just curious. I thought women had a better idea of what looks good."
Hair is a fashion statement for many women. Short hair can be stylish for younger men. But in the business world, short hair is a sign of submission – especially for men. Remember Samson and Delilah? Samson’s power was in his long hair. Cut it, and he was nobody special. Monks shave themselves a tonsure – a self-made bald spot. And modern men cut off their long hair to climb the corporate ladder.
Women rarely hear a boss say, "If you want a job, Jennifer, you have to cut your hair." Men get it all the time.
"I understand that," the gentleman said. "But I don’t understand why I’m suddenly attractive."
It depends on how women like their men: conventional or with a wild streak. I like mine with long hair. It’s romantic to run my fingers through a man’s hair. I like to see his locks blowing in the breeze – and spread out on my pillow. If you check out the covers of romance novels, you’ll see very few men with buzz cuts embracing the heroines.
But for many women, long-haired lovers are strictly the stuff of fantasies. When it comes to serious long-term relationships, these women don’t want an unpredictable man. They’re afraid some day he’ll walk out the door, hop on his Harley and disappear for no reason. They’ll be stuck with the mortgage, the kids and the bills.
For the long haul, they like their men safe, shorn and sitting at a desk. And that, sir, is you.
Congratulations. You have become the ultimate sex object: A good provider.
