Oscar Frock Horrors - CQ's Letters to the Stars ...

Dear Alice Evans,

Oh, Alice, where do I begin? I love you, I really do. I adore that little column you write for Glamour where you refer to your boyfriend all the time but rarely name him, even though we all know you're all happily loved up with Mr Fantastic. I love that whoever wrote the Wikipedia entry on you obviously hates your guts. And I love that you wear lots of pretty vintage dresses.

However, this is not a pretty vintage dress, Alice. It's like the '60s, '70s and '80s all got together to vomit all over you. And don't even get me started on the boots. And as for Ioan, how he let you out the house looking like that I have no idea. Shame on you. BOTH of you!

Dear Ziyi Zhang,

I get it. This is all an homage to the Best Costume Design Oscar winner, isn't it? The Marie Antoinette gowns were inspired by all the pastel-coloured desserts eaten by the people in the French court, and you obviously decided turning up to the aftershow parties trussed up like a pile of butterfly cakes in honour of the gong. Clever idea, not so good in practice.

Dear Sarah Michelle Gellar,

The first thing I did when I saw this photo was google the words 'Sarah Michelle Gellar pregnant' just in case I'd missed some vital gossip. Why? I can't think of any other reason why you'd hide that Buffy-honed figure in a dress resembling a burlap sack. That's just rubbing it in to those of us not blessed with a 20-something inch waist, biatch. "I'm skinny...I look amazing in anything...but I'm going to wear a shapeless sack to the Oscars." It's just mean, Gellar. MEAN!

Dear Ellen Pompeo,

For the love of God, woman, stop trying so hard! I can see what you were trying to do here, but florals and frills? Next time choose one or the other, not both. And smile!

[all photos courtesy of Getty Images]

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