I Don't Pay Attention to Celebrity News Even Though This Post Clearly Demonstrates the Contrary

As much as I hate to admit it, I am quite fascinated by the fact that Britney is out flashing her conch all over the place. I heard that Brit made her hooha public on the radio this morning, and so when I got to work, I had to go online to verify that this is true.

My first thought was that she was beating K-Fed to the punch, since he’s threatening to release the Brit-K-Fed Honeymoon Sextravaganza. What better way to say, “Who cares that you’re selling my glorious nudity on tape? I’m showing everyone my goodies before you do. And I’m doing it for free! Take that, Money Grubber!”

I knew she’d been hanging out with Li-Lo and Paris. Then it occurred to me that both Lindsey and Paris previously had their snatches snapped by paparazzi. And then it dawned on me – Lindsey and Paris had done it on purpose to get more publicity since they don’t actually DO anything but garner publicity. Then they goaded Brit into it by telling her how awesome it is to be all over the rags with your conch out! WOW! It’s a public pubic conspiracy!

Anyway. I am almost done with my first chapter of my book. I know. One chapter. Big frickin’ whoop. I am almost 5% done with my book. That sounds slightly depressing, but at least I’ve made some progress.

I'm a big procrastinator. I discovered the trick last night is to ONLY allow myself a glass of wine if I am sitting in front of the computer working on my book. No book, no wine. It's the only way I can bribe myself into getting my ass into the seat. I’m such a cliché – the alcoholic novelist who can only write when she’s half in the bag. That’s not true; I don’t need to be half in the bag. I had one glass over the course of two hours last night while I worked, and it greases my wheels just enough to write some silly prose. If I can get myself to write at least 500 words a day, I’ll be done within six months. Easy peasy! That’s only a page a day. What the hell have I been waiting for?? Onward and upward, friends!