Subject: I’m bored
I don't feel like working today. How are things with you and Red Beard going?
Funny you should ask. I want your opinion on something. You know how Red Beard & I are talking about buying a condo together? Well, my feeling is that if we're serious enough to go in together on real estate, then maybe we should get engaged first.
I mean, the Kelso thing [background: Kelso is wrestling with the crisis of a joint home purchase with his now ex-fiancé] obviously proves that being engaged before you buy a house isn't fool-proof. However, I am starting to think that buying a house when we haven't even gotten far enough in our level of commitment to be engaged sounds pretty stupid.
So if we're not ready to be engaged, then we probably aren't ready to buy a house together. Before I was considering the idea of our getting engaged, I suggested a pre-pre-nup to Red Beard, but he didn't seem too thrilled about that idea.
The point is, I really hesitate to mingle our finances if we might not be ready for a certain level of commitment. But if we are ready for that stage, meaning commitment and thus real estate, then let's just go for it and what are we waiting for in terms of a ring? I don't know. Does this sound crazy to you? I hate to be demanding an engagement, so that's not where I'm coming from. The real issue is: if he's not ready to get engaged, then I'm not ready to buy a condo together. Maybe I'm confusing two separate issues. What's your take?
By the way, this isn’t something I'm ready to approach him on within the next couple months. I'm only thinking about it right now, since we’re still in advance of our getting ready to look at condos.
Subject: Don’t do it
My take is NEVER mingle finances without a ring. Kelso and his ex were not engaged when they bought the house. Then he felt pressured into the engagement because buying the house naturally gave her the expectation of a ring.
If you’d like to purchase a home, but there’s no ring, then I would suggest you do the purchasing and have Red Beard pay you rent. You can make a deal that if you break up, you will pay him a percentage of the rent he has paid to you back as his equity stake. I would make that percentage equal to the percentage of interest to principle you pay yearly, and also incorporating the tax break you get for the interest being deductible (which is about 30%).
Should a ring come up, this whole thing is moot. There can be no arguments that buying a place together without a ring is not a sound decision. Financial tying is the worst to undo.
Subject: Holy moly
Wow, thanks for your very helpful input. You’ll eventually have to explain the percentage thing to me, since I'm pretty much like, "Whhaaaaiii???"
I'll wait and see how things go past his birthday, and then I'll be 32 on October 10th. I’ll let our ages sink in, since I do think that has a little bit to do with these types of decisions. Then probably as of November, I'll be ready to have this type of discussion with him, unless it comes up naturally in the meantime. He said something last night like, "When we get our new place, we're going to have..." With all of this in mind about the ring, I had to bite my tongue a little bit. I think we should just enjoy living together for a few months before discussing something as weighty as marriage.
Okay, seriously? The Kelso thing, what with the buying of the house, and the pressure, and the ring, and then the destroyed engagement? Could totally see something like that happening, and it’s my worst nightmare. That story alone makes me want to move out and get my own place so that we don’t wind up in some horror show situation like that.