Every marriage, no matter how strong it is, or how much the two love each other, does go through "dry periods" you might say. It's easy to get caught up in our hectic lives, kids and jobs to really notice how dry and stale our marriage has really gotten. But even though you find yourself in a stale period in your marriage, doesn't mean you can't revive it and once again bring the honeymoon feelings of love and romance back into your marriage. It's as easy as following the steps, and the first would be recognizing your marital situation using these 7 hints your marriage could be stale.
1. You Don't Talk Much
Lack of communication is a great step in a marriage needing some help. If you no longer have things to talk about with your spouse, or don't seem to care whether you talk to them or not, you really need to consider the fact that your marriage may have gone stale. It's vital to any relationship that open communication between husband and wife be kept. Being aware of each other's daily problems and tasks, as well as the good things that happen in a regular day is just part of the whole communication part of a relationship - what about communication about your feelings for each other? Do you feel as if you can't really tell your spouse how you feel about them? If the answer is yes, get help!
2. You Have More Personal Hobbies & Dates then You do Together
I am very much in agreement that both spouses need time alone, time to do their own things. I myself take vacations while my husband prefers to work year around. He's isn't much into traveling for leisure, since he's a truck driver for pay. And I don't let that stop me from seeing friends and family that live in other states during my Summer "vacation" time. However, too much time doing things apart, and not enough togetherness can lead to a stale marriage. If you can look back and remember when it was common to do things together and have fun together, and yet at present, you never do, your marriage could use a little work. How about setting aside a week to have a second honeymoon? Go back to where it all started (or go to the place you really wanted to go for your honeymoon but couldn't afford) and revive your love life! Time together is important in a relationship!
3. You No Longer Crave a Kiss Hello
Do you remember when you first got married, and even when you were dating, and how every time, (no matter how short the trip) you said goodbye and hello, you had to share a passionate kiss? Do you still do that? Do you still kiss each other goodbye as you head to work and greet each other with a passionate, "I missed you too much!" kiss at the end of the day? If not, you should definitely get into the practice again! A kiss is at the top of the list of ways to show affection for each other (outside of the bedroom.) Surprise your spouse with a passionate kiss as they come home from work today, and get that fire blazing once again!
4. Your Intimate Life is Almost Nonexistent
Your relationship should never be based on sex, let me begin by saying that. If all you marry someone for is how good they are in the bed, you're marrying them for the wrong reason, and your marriage is doomed for failure. However, a healthy relationship should include a healthy intimate relationship with your spouse. In my opinion, intimacy includes more than just sex, by the way. It's the close, and very personal times you share with each other and no one else. It's the snuggles and quiet conversations on the couch, as you watch the fire after the kids are in bed. It's the knowing glances across the room, and being able to read your spouse without them ever having to say a word. And, it's a healthy sex life. Usually, one of the first questions a counselor will ask you is "How is your sex life?" because it's a tell-tale sign something is very good or very wrong. If you find your intimate life is severely dropping in frequency, you may want to look into the cause and get to working on it. Spice up your secret life - try something new and different. And for heaven's sake, buy a new nightie every now and then! Keep things fresh and healthy in your intimate moments with your spouse.
5. You Spend More Quality Time with Your Kids than Your Spouse
Your kids do need to have quality time with each of their parents, it's true. But you must work to keep your relationship strong with your spouse as well. Why? Because your children grow up and leave, but a marriage was made to last until death parts you from your spouse. Too many times, you see kids turn 18 and move out, and next thing they know, their parents are getting divorced. Why is this? Because they no longer had anything in common or ever knew each other. The entire time their kids were growing up, their lives were cram packed with kid's ballgames, one-on-one time with the kids, this and that, and no time was set aside to be spent with husband and wife. It's vital to keep your marriage and relationship strong so that when your kids are gone, you still know and have communication with the one you married.
6. You're Hurtful to Each Other
Do you find it's easier to throw a jabbing remark at your hubby than it used to be? Are you sensing a sort of hostility in his teasing? Are you finding it harder and harder to compliment each other? If you answered yes to any of these questions, your marriage is one the road to being stale, if it's not already there! Sure, it's ok to tease each other, in fact, I think it's important that you be able to tease and play with each other. However, when teasing turns hurtful, and it makes you feel good to embarrass or hurt your spouse in front of others, you really need to look into why this is, and work on it. I know a couple is going to have their fights and arguments, but it should never be easy to hurt your spouse with your words.
7. You No Longer Have a Desire to do for Each Other
Newlyweds seem to live to help each other. Whatever their spouse wants, they're ready and willing to fulfill that desire. That's the way it should be until you die. You should never let that desire to fulfill your spouse's every need go away. And same to your spouse about you. And I'm not speaking of just the bedroom desires. I'm also (mainly) talking about the willingness to help each other through life. Say your husband calls into the kitchen (where you happen to be) and asks you to bring him a glass of tea. Do you gladly get it for him, or do you tell him to get it himself? It's much easier to just simply get it for him, rather than making something out of it as to why he's watching TV while you're cleaning, and he should be able to get it himself. On the flip side, he should be just as willing to hang a picture, or change the baby's diaper when you ask him to. Marriage is giving 100% on both the wife's side and the husbands. It's a lot of hard work, and takes a true desire, fueled by the love you have for that person to make it work.
I'm no expert on marriage, that's for sure. I've only been married 4 years as of this past August. However, I've been raised around some wise people and I feel as if I have been taught so much from their lives. That, and the great deal of research I've done on this subject. In the 4 short years we've been married, there have already been some of these things I've mentioned that my husband and I have had to work on. But that's what it's all about, as I just mentioned. Marriage is truly hard work, and if any of the points in this article, "7 Hints Your Marriage Could Be Stale" remind you of your current state of life, you might want to wake up and get to work, making that marriage steamy and hot and full of life once again! Good luck, and God bless!
Top Photo Credit: AraiGodai