Breaking up is hard. I mean, you’d think walking away from someone you don’t love anymore, or getting over someone who has just broken your heart would be easy. Not so...Suddenly the love songs will all make sense, you’ll feel completely lost and his habit of watching wrestling while picking his toenails and leaving his underwear on the floor will be the one thing you don’t think you can live without. It does get better, though, and you can limit the pain. Here are my steps to keeping the break up clean...
1. Find out How They Feel
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Have a conversation, and try to work out how they are feeling. It might be that they are having the same worries, but want to sort it out, or they could not have a clue how you are feeling. Try to get inside their head, and understand them a little. This will help you to know if you are both wanting to split, or if you need to be very sensitive and strong and break it to them gently.
2. Be Open and Honest
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Have a drink together, or a meal, so you can talk face to face. You need to both be honest and open, to have the cleanest break possible. It’ll hurt to know that someone else is involved, if that is the case, but it’ll stop you trying to get them back, and hearing what went wrong will help you both with future relationships. Don’t be bitter or mean, though, as tempting as it might be. Keep it really honest.
3. Stick to Your Ground
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You’ll both struggle at first. Whether you wanted to split or not, you’ll find yourself cooking enough for two, and buying his favourite foods. It is hard, but that’s no excuse to run back to each other and a dysfunctional relationship. You will both need time and space to adjust, so once either of you has made the decision, make it final. There is no going back, only a very bright future!
4. Stay Calm
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Resist the urge to phone them, and if they phone you, either don’t answer or remain calm yet stern. It is really, really difficult, and arguing or having fights will just tarnish what you had. Try to both be adult, and when the other person seems to be forgetting, remain dignified yourself. You will get through the other side, and maybe you can even be friends.
5. Be Prepared
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Make sure you are prepared for a negative reaction, which may not be immediate. A friend of mine thought her break up had gone amazingly well, until she woke up four days later with her ex lying next to her. He’d let himself in, moved his things back in and gotten into bed with her. Give back any keys, and change your locks if they still have yours. Protect yourself!
6. Look Ahead
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Look forward to a brighter future, and work towards it. Enrol on a course you’ve always wanted to do, or book a holiday. Give yourself things to look forward too, that will pass the time. Time is a fantastic healer, but you really do have to learn to wait. It heals in its own time...until then, work towards a better you.
7. Don’t Look Back in Anger
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Don’t write off your time together. If nothing else, you enjoyed yourself and learnt some lessons, so it wasn’t wasted. You could even be good friends, if the break up goes well and you both lose all feelings for each other. Some of the best friends are exlovers, but make sure that there are no lingering emotions or hopes of a restart...don’t unnecessarily hurt them, and they won’t hurt you either. I’m a great believer in karma!
I am really sensitive to other peoples feelings, but by using the above tips I’m still on talking terms with my expartners, and give a lot of them relationship advice. We got along great, there just wasn’t the necessary spark and fire, so why wouldn’t we be great friends?! Have you got a tip for achieving a clean break up, or a story to share? Please let me know!
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