All Women's Talk

8 Reasons to Stay Single but Together... and How ...

By Jennifer

My boyfriend and I have been co-habitating for a year and a half now, with no plans to marry. It’s not that we’re not in love, or aren’t great partners — we’ve both been married before, and neither of us wants to be married again. If everything’s going so well, and we’re both happy, why should we? Here are 8 reasons we stay single, but together, and how we make it work.

Table of contents:

  1. we don’t plan to have children
  2. the laws still protect us
  3. we’re prepared for emergencies
  4. i love my last name
  5. we both know
  6. our families are okay with it
  7. we still file separately
  8. we share expenses, but keep separate accounts

1 We Don’t Plan to Have Children

Photo Credit: [Katsumi]

I already have two daughters, one of whom is grown, and my boyfriend has three children. Neitehr of us wants any more children, which is really the only reason I married my second husband to begin with (and we all know how well THAT worked out).

2 The Laws Still Protect Us

Photo Credit: Fixed Image

Just because we’re not married doesn’t mean my boyfriend and I can’t have some of the same legal benefits as a married couple. As long as you complete all of the necessary paperwork, you can still inherit your boyfriend’s massive fortune, should anything happen to him. Or, well, his massive collection of ramen noodles and back issues of Maxim.

3 We’re Prepared for Emergencies

Photo Credit: victoria-plum

Should anything happen to me or my boyfriend, we both know what to do, who to call, and even how to plan in the event that one of us dies. Again, this takes very little legal work, and gives us both a lot of peace of mind.

4 I Love My Last Name

Photo Credit: lemonjenny

I have the coolest last name ever, and when I was married this last time, the fact that I wanted to keep it was a major source of debate with my ex. He was hurt that I didn’t want to take his wretched last name, and I’m so sorry he talked me into it. From now on, I just get to be me — and if you’ve never changed your name, you have no idea how good it feels to say that.

5 We Both Know

Photo Credit: califree

Our no-plans-to-marry relationship is only successful because we BOTH know we’re not planning to be married. If either one of us were secretly harboring desires to marry, it would never work. This is all about communication, which is just as important in our relationship as anyone else’s.

6 Our Families Are Okay with It

Photo Credit: {fani iglesias}

Granted, my mother isn’t too happy with the idea that her oldest daughter may grow old without the requisite husband, but she’s resigned to it now, especially after seeing what misery my first two marriages brought me. Both of our sets of children want us to get married, but that’s just young idealism — the real relationship world will set them straight soon enough.

7 We Still File Separately

Photo Credit: gadknows

There’s something to be said for having your own tax status, and therefore your own tax return. I can spend my return however I like, as can he — though of course, typically it all goes to some big house project. But… HA! If I wanted to blow it all on a new pair of boots I could…

8 We Share Expenses, but Keep Separate Accounts

Photo Credit: Proleshi

He pays the mortgage, I pay the utilities and groceries. I pay for my cell phone, he pays for his. We split and share the household expenses and chores, and it works marvelously for us. I don’t have to let him know every time I want a new set of highlights, and he doesn’t have to justify the expense of a gym membership he uses only sporadically. Since we share the load, but not an account, we’re both happy. Now, let’s talk about those new boots again…

Those are the reasons my boyfriend and I haven’t married, and how we make it work. So we don’t plan to bow to pressure from society (i.e., our families) and tie the knot. What about you? Are you happily dating with no plans to marry, or do you yearn for a more traditional relationship? Why? Please let me know!

Top Photo Credit: James Rubio

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