If there is only one piece of advice you ever listen to in your entire life, let it be this: Never, ever mess with an old person. You will regret it. Old people may appear fragile and helpless, but this is just a façade for their true nature, which has been honed to perfection over many generations. They are truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing. So here are 7 reasons to beware of those deceptively innocent-looking seniors …
1. War Veterans
Old people have always Lived Through A War. Even if it ended twenty years before they were born, they still Lived Through The War. So they are tough. You do not mess with tough people. If you are ever foolish enough to challenge them about the actual dates of the war not tallying with their lifespan, or taking place at a considerable distance, they will just fix you with an evil stare and mutter that young people today don’t know they’re born. You cannot win when dealing with oldies.
As anyone who has ever been to a store sale or a rummage sale will know, old ladies are ruthless and will stop at nothing in pursuit of a bargain. They have their elbows specially sharpened, carry handbags designed to be used as weapons, and are completely prepared to use them. The store will be littered with bleeding and bruised casualties wondering what on earth hit them, as the seniors sail off loaded with bargains.
3. They Know Everything
Old people are experts on every possible subject. It doesn’t matter if they have no direct experience whatsoever, as they are somehow able to apply their knowledge of something completely different and irrelevant. Simply having lived a long time makes them absolutely convinced that they know more than you.
4. Been There, Done That
Old people love to pretend to be shocked by modern life, but the truth is that there is actually nothing we can say or do that will really shock them. Whatever it is, they have done it all before, the only difference being that much of it was far less open than it is now. If you only knew the half of what your granny had got up to in her day …
My mother has her dear little old lady act perfected. Make no mistake, behind that helpless appearance that has people falling over themselves to help her lies a geriatric genius who knows how to get her way. Only those of us who truly know her can see beyond the mask. I truly think that if my mother was sent into the world’s troublespots, she could sort them all out single-handed.
6. Always Right
Old people are always right. Their way of doing things is always the correct way. There is no room for flexibility. Foolish is the person who suggests, however gently, that there might be a better or alternative way of doing things. They will soon be firmly told not to be so stupid. It’s easier just to give in.
7. Master Manipulators
Oh, how the older generation know how to get their way. Whether by overt means or subtle manipulation, there is absolutely no hope of preventing them from getting what they want or being the boss in the family. Save yourself the energy and don’t even try resisting them.
Do you recognise any of these traits in your parents or grandparents, and are you looking forward to be able to get your own back on the younger generation?
Top Photo Credit: Radonich Aleksandra