15 Tips on How to Deal with You and Your Friend Liking the Same Guy ...

By Melanie

15 Tips on How to Deal with You and Your Friend Liking the Same Guy ...

So, what happens when you and your friend like the same guy? This can put a huge damper on a friendship if it isn't handled gently. There's no need to ruin a lifelong friendship over a guy, but it has happened in the past to many people. I've written down some tips for ways that might help remedy the “one guy, two friends” situation.

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1

Walk Away

This is probably the hardest way to handle the situation for some people. It just might be the only quick way to remedy it though. Being able to walk away from a weird love triangle might be the best for all those involved. It often takes a more mature person to walk away from a situation such as this. So be the bigger person and stop pursuing him. Is it really worth ruining your friendship over a guy who may or may not like you?

2

Be Open about It

Don't keep your feelings bottled up, even if your friend started liking him first. If you keep all those feelings inside, you'll start to resent your friend if she does in fact end up with him. Sit her down and just let her know that you've developed feelings for him!

3

Watch How Your Friend Reacts

Muster up the guts and tell her. It can get pretty awkward if she finds out from someone else! When telling your friend that you like the same guy she does, be sure to watch her reaction, especially if you have a friend that won't tell you right away about how she really feels. Sometimes things have to sink in for a while before someone can talk about it. Keep an eye on her facial expressions as you are telling her. This should be a good indicator for telling if she's mad, sad, or indifferent.

4

Look at His past Relationships

It's wise to look at all the relationships that this guy has had before you. If he jumps from girl to girl, then you might want to think again before trying to start a relationship with him. It might even be a good idea for you to warn your friend as well. You wouldn't want her to be hurt either. Take a look at what types of people his last girlfriends were as well. Is hefriends with his exes? This might tell you a bit more about him, who he's interested in, and the kind of boyfriend he'd make.

5

Make a List of Reasons Why You like Him

Write down why you like him and see if there are a lot of reasons. If there are any cons that come to mind, definitely write those down as well. If the pro list is only a word or two, then it might be a good idea to think about this situation a bit more. For your sake, I hope you've got "He has a crush on me" on the list.

UPD:

When two friends both develop a crush on the same guy, it can be a difficult situation to navigate. It can lead to feelings of jealousy, guilt, and even betrayal. It is important to remember that your friendship is more important than any potential romance, and that it is possible to get through this situation without damaging your relationship. Here are some tips to help you handle it:

  1. Talk to each other openly and honestly. Make sure you both feel heard and respected.

  2. Respect each other's feelings. Even if you don't agree with how your friend feels, it's important to be understanding and supportive.

  3. Don't make assumptions about how the other person feels. Ask questions and listen to their answers.

  4. Don't compete with each other for the guy's attention. This will only create tension and hurt your friendship.

  5. Make a list of reasons why you like him. Consider both the pros and cons of the situation.

  6. Consider the consequences of your actions. If you pursue a relationship with him, what will it mean for your friendship?

  7. Talk about other guys you both find attractive. Remind each other that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Famous Quotes

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

Bruce Lee
6

Determine Compatibility

Are you two even really compatible? If he loves sports and you can't stand them, this is one conflict. If he is an outdoors person and you would rather sit in a quiet library and read about visiting different places, this might be a problem. I know that the saying is that opposites attract, but when everything about you is a complete opposite, it might actually pose more hindrances. Being able to connect with someone over shared likes is how people usually grow closer. Is he more compatible with your friend?

7

Know if You and This Guy Share the Same Goals

This sort of goes along with the compatibility tip, but focuses more on the future of the possible relationship. Find out what his plans for the future are. If your goal is to move somewhere warm and sunny but he can't deal with the sun, then whose dream will be crushed? Will either of you be able to give up what you want? I know future plans and commitment come up much later, but it can be something to think about when determining if you should go for this guy, let your friend have him, or just leave it all alone.

8

Sisters before Misters

Remember that when you and your friend like the same guy, she will be there for you a lot longer than he possibly will. Guys will come and go over the years, but friends are usually in our lives forever. Who's been around longer? Who knows you better? Think about your friend first and the times you spent together...the late night movies on each others couches, the prank calls, and now how your possible relationship with this guy might affect her and everything you've had.

9

Don't Let Jealousy Take over

Knowing how hard it is to deal with a jealous boyfriend/friend, would you want to put your friend and yourself through that? Jealousy can ruin friendships for no reason at all. There's no need for it. You just feel jealous because you can't control how she's feeling. Jealousy only makes people angry and this often causes things to be said that can never be taken back again. If you find that you have jealous feelings towards your friend, then you need to figure out why and how they can be remedied.

10

Decide if It's Worth Losing a Friend

Is this guy really worth losing your friend over? If it comes down to you and your friend getting into a fight over this guy and it doesn't work out with you and him, what then? You have a hurt friend that has been with you a lot longer than this guy has, but you've lost her trust in your relationship. It is a hard thing to patch up.

11

Figure out if It's Love or Lust

Lust is often what draws people to each other. They are physically attracted and think it is love, but usually not. Very rarely is there love at first sight. You have to get to know the person before you can decide if it's truly love or if it's just lust. When the romance fades, will you still want to hang out with him? Is it a completely physical attraction or are there other great qualities about him you like? These are a couple of questions you might want to ask yourself.

12

Talk about It

Talking about how you and your friend like the same guy is a great way to figure out what to do about it. Two heads are better than one, right? If you both remain calm and talk about this situation in an adult manner, you should be able to come up with a way to go about handling this matter. Brainstorming some ideas on what can be done and writing them down might help as well.

13

Don't Make This a Competition

This isn't about who's prettier, who's funnier, or who's more likable! You should know that the two of you are as fabulous as they come. Why stress yourself out about out-doing the other in hopes that the guy will be the one to make a decision? If it gets to that level, it's not good.

14

Consider the Consequences

Let's see you DID end up with the guy - what does that mean for your friendship? Even if your friend swears it doesn't "bother" her, it probably really does. She wouldn't even feel comfortable being around the two of you!

UPD:

Before letting your emotions lead the way, think long and hard about the aftereffects. Entering into a relationship under these circumstances could send ripples through your entire social circle, not just between you and your friend. Tensions could rise, whispers could start, and before you know it, you've unintentionally created a drama that's more suited to a soap opera than real life. Remember, relationships might come and go, but the scars in friendships can linger far longer. Consider if he's truly worth the potential fallout.

15

Both of You Back off

If you know for certain that you do NOT want to lose your friendship over this, why don't the two of you just let the guy go? No arguments, no choosing, no nothing. Make your friendship your number one priority and keep it intact. There are plenty of fish in the sea and you'll each find one that's suitable for you!

With all of these tips, surely you will be able to come up with some ideas about how to handle this situation of when you and your friend like the same guy. It can be a simple process or a long drawn out one. It's completely up to you. How would you handle this situation? What ideas can you add?

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

k, so me and my friend like the same guy & he likes both of us. shes known him longer and has liked him longer. i have just recently started liking this guy & now, i cant stop thinking about him. he said he would go out with one of us if we lived closer. i might be moving to the same city he is. if i do, should i go for it? or not. helpp! ):

Ok, so i am at summer camp and i made some new friends recently. One day we were talking about who we like, and I said i didn't like anyone at camp, even though I do. I'm really uncomfortable talking about crushes with my friends at home, so i had trouble saying anything. Then, one of my friends said that she liked the same guy i do and now everyone is going on about how she likes him. The problem is, i think this guy likes me because he's always following me around and laughs at everything i say. Now my friends are determined to get me to admit that I like him, but i don't want to make my friend mad or sad. She is really shy around him. What do I do???

Alright. Me and my friend "m" like the same person. But I haven't told her, why is because she has a temper sometimes like when i went on a vacation with her and her family, she got into a lot of fights with her sister. I would say their relationship is bi-polar. Well a while ago I met a friend that I haven't talked to in ages. And soon enough I liked him just like that. We talk everyday. And m told me she likes him also and she keeps getting upset when I tell her how me and him have been hanging around a lot more than her and him. Also she is a little bit needy and clingy when it comes to guys. If I were a total stranger it would be easy to find out who she liked. The problem is she goes into a depression if something doesn't go her way. Like if he texts me more messages than her. She tells me " maybe he likes you more and why should I bother. It scares me and her neediness and being clingy scares the guys. I just don't know what to do..

Hi! well my problem is that my friend and I like the same guy. She told me she liked him first and really wanted to go to prom with him! He has been my best guy friend for three years now, so I felt like I had never liked him before so I could help her out. My trying to help her turned into a dilemma when he asked me to prom... at first i was hesitant and just said we were going as friends, but he started to hang around me more and just do nice things like go out for lunch or wait for me after track practice. I still talked to my friend normally, but I could feel as if something had changed between us. In my case, the guy told me that he liked me in a statement and not just in a casual way. So i know for sure he likes me. Over the process of prom and just being with him, I've grown to like him too. Now, I have no idea what to do with my friend! She liked him first and she told me about it. I feel like a betrayed her. Should i just let the relationship slide... I mean its only high school. honestly im not going to find my true love right now. Please help! should i continue the relationship and tell my friend about me liking him or should i pretend like it never happened?

I'm having a big problem with my best friend right now. I told her that I liked him first and now she started flirting with him all the time. She's convinced that i should just let it go, but i can't! i've liked him longer and i like him much more than she does. We got into a fight about it today. what should i do??

Okay, so my best friend and I hang out a whole lot. A few months ago my best friend had a boyfriend. Well I would hang out alot with her and her boyfriend and this other guy would hang out with us too. Well the other guy and I kinda felt like a third wheel around them. They would often want to just be together and be in love, so me and the other guy would be together alot because my best friend and her boyfriend wanted to be together.Well, of course I started to like the guy and he started to act like he liked me too. Soon my bestfriend would start pairing us together and saying we would be a cute couple. We both started to believe it. when all four of us were hanging out they would pair us together too and people thought we were dating even though we wern't. We both liked each other and you could tell. Then my bestfriends boyfriend broke up with her. She was really sad so my and the guy friend were there for her. He bought her tissues and we both just huged her while she cried. He was really sweet to her. because he was so nice to her that day she started to like him, but she never told me. i had also never told her i liked him, but i think it was obvious. Anyway my friend was really sad for a couple of weeks but me and our guy friend were there for her. He had been being unusually nice to her lately, but I thought it was just because he was trying to comfort her after the breakup. but really, he started to like her too. So I liked him, she didnt know,She liked him and i didnt know and he liked both of us!!! Well just the other night the guy asked my bestfriend out. Well she said yes,But she still didnt know I liked him. She asked me if I thought It was a good idea and I told her that it wasnt the eaisest thing for me and started crying right there.She knew then that I liked him. I didnt want to tell her sooner because she had been sad for so long and i just wanted her to be happy again. i told her how I felt about him and she said that she felt bad and she would break up with him if it made me feel better, but I dont want her too she had just been sad for a long time and now shes happy again. but , i really dont know if I can hangout with them anymore. They are the two people i care about the most, but I just dont know if i'll be able to handle seeing the person i love, love someone else. my friend said that she would break up with him, but i don't know what i should do!!! please help!!!

Hey, Me and my mate have been friends for a while now, and I've known she likes this guy (let's call him Fred) for about a month. Recently, he's been getting closer to me and I know my friend is getting jealous of that. The thing is, I think I've fallen for him. Me and my friend were talking, and she said, "If you liked 'Fred', you would tell me right?" so I said yeah and she replied "If you did like him I would probably not talk to you for a while, And I guess I'd hate you if you went out with him" Now, don't get me wrong, my friend is really nice and friendly, a great friend, but she is clingy when it comes to guys. Fred acts like he really likes me, and I love him, but I cant tell her, cause I don't want to hurt her feelings. and I don't want to ruin our friendship. If she went out with Fred though, I think I would be jealous and that would ruin our friendship anyway. Any help?

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