A friend of mine, C., sent me a link to this dress and asked me to help explain why, why on earth, this bland monstrosity would be Sold Out at J. Crew:

I honestly couldn't tell her. While I have seen a (very) few women able to pull off- no, rock- this shape, I can't see how enough J. Crew patronage would be able to wear it at all to merit its unavailability. How to tell if you ...