Women complain that men are self-serving bastards.

Men complain that women treat nice guys with contempt.

Something doesn’t add up here, wouldn’t you agree?

Here are some popular theories for these dueling perceptions:

• the complaining "nice guys" don’t understand the difference between "being nice" and "being a human doormat"

• women say they want one thing (i.e., to be treated nicely), but they want something else (i.e., to be treated badly)

• men just think that they’re being nice to women, but in reality, they’re still being self-serving bastards (SSBs)

• the complaining women are spoiled princesses who expect unrealistic things from men and from love

Meanwhile, men are proclaiming right-and-left that it doesn’t pay to be nice (e.g., kind, considerate, goodhearted, etc.) to women. What does pay, however, is being an SSB.

Put another way, as the theory goes, a man who consistently does things his way – putting his own wants and needs first – will attract women like crazy.

I wholeheartedly agree. A man who does all that bad boy stuff can attract women like crazy, provided, of course, that he’s got something else to offer in the sex appeal department.

The problem is that the women he attracts and is able to hold on to are likely to be one of the following:

• as convinced as he is that being self-serving is the only way to survive in relationships

• willing to be martyred in love (because they have a low opinion of men and/or a low opinion of themselves)

Whereas women who basically have their act together, and who have qualities of niceness themselves, may tolerate bad treatment for a while – but not forever. They don’t get a charge out of being mistreated or neglected by a man they love. And that’s why, with a man who’s all naughty and very little nice, they usually try to CHANGE him so that he’ll be nicer to them.

As many of us know, that approach doesn’t work out so well. 

Better to pick a man in the first place who’s an optimal blend of naughty and nice, right?

Now, when I use the word, "nice," I don’t just mean that he’s capable of making minor charming choices, like showing up with flowers after a fight.

I mean being "Nice" – with a capital "N" – like a decent human being with a heart would be.

And when I say "naughty," well, that covers a lot of wonderfully wicked, fun ways of being that a man can have. But it doesn’t include any behavior that is disrespectful, calloused, or hurtful.

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Describe how you personally think a man can be wicked, fun, have an interesting edge – or whatever you call it – and nonetheless qualify for the "Naughty and Nice" category.

Also, what percentage of a man do you like to be naughty, and what percentage of him do you want to be nice?