Some of the local moms are discussing how their daycares handle baby aggression; some others are upset at a playground incident that seems more serious than just baby bites. A mother was watching her two year old explore the playground equipment when the little one ran into trouble with a four year old boy. Apparently, he was mean to her, physically and verbally, wouldn’t let her go up the stairs, and looked to be gearing up to push the little girl down them. When the older child’s mother finally arrived on the scene, she dismissed it all with a wave. “Oh, he’s only four, he doesn’t know any better”. Um. Excuse me? No apology to the mom, no intervention to explain to her son how to behave properly? How does this woman expect her child to  learn proper behavior, pull it out of thin air?

So I put together a few suggestions I learned from my positive parenting books. My son has been the biter, hitter, kicker — and the bitee, and recipient of all other forms of childish out bursts, too.

I can say I’d much rather my son be the recipient than the one who dishes it out, mostly because I don’t freak out about this kind of stuff, and am always worried about another parent’s reaction to what is a ‘normal’ phase of toddler behavior. I say this, with caveats, having watched a kid punch mine in the stomach recently — and was shocked, until his mom and I figured out why it happened and it was all good.

Hell’s bells, I wish I could throw a temper tantrum sometimes, too.

No child is ‘too young’ to learn what proper behavior is all about. For toddlers, proper modeling, redirection, and constant vigilance are the keys. Children do not know how to control their impulses at this young age; a parent or caregiver must act as an external conscience. If a child acts out against another one, the adult in the situation should do several things:

Intervene. “Oh, my, little one, we use gentle touch with other people.” Pick up the child’s hand and stroke it. “Gentle Gentle!”

Offer empathy for the child who was hit/bit: “I’m sure she’s sad now, what can we do to make her feel better.” And then pat the place the child was hurt. Blow on it. Make a big deal of cleaning up the wound (especially if it’s a bite or a scratch) and putting a bandage on. Offer the offender the chance to make things better. Don’t force an apology, but you can voice one for the offender, saying, ‘I’m sure [hitter] is sad she did that to you/sorry she did that” etc. Remember, a toddler isn’t necessarily sorry she did it!

Offer a distraction, such as another toy, or separate the children for a while. Offer sympathy for the child who was wronged, and talk about how to make things right.

My four year old knows better than to be mean to other children, especially smaller ones. He’s often patting and hugging the smallest kids on the playground, and takes it upon himself to be their champion — sometimes to the point where he’s being rude to the older children! Sigh.

But that playground boy’s mother was doing him absolutely no favors by making excuses for him and not taking the opportunity to teach kindness. If a child hears “Oh, he’s too young for that”, if a child’s parent does not model proper behavior, if a parent does not teach his or her child what appropriate behavior is, and ignores it, dismisses it, or denies it…

what message is that parent teaching the child, but that it doesn’t matter how you treat other people, because there will always be an excuse?

Share This

It was beautiful today. Stunning. The kind of day Spring dreams of, with air that smells good enough to eat, and people out and about with nothing better to do than dream.

I hope you threw away your schedules today. We set out to have a Day. Nothing much to do. Went for a walk. Went to a birthday party. Stopped at the park. Admired the flowers.

We overschedule our lives, and I found myself guilty of it this winter. Today was a perfectly lazy day.  Our children need time to just do nothing. How else will their brains recharge? Remember to schedule in time for nothing to do. You’d be surprised by how useful and productive that do-nothing time is!

Share This

A friend is trying to potty train her son. They are being pretty laid back about it, and he’s pretty young, so I suppose that perhaps they’re providing the opportunity to use a potty, rather than seriously ‘potty training’ him. But apparently, the little guy’s first successful poop on the big pot wasn’t the smiling, joyous occasion they thought it would be. Seems the little guy screamed his head off when he realized what he’d done.

If your kid freaks out when pooping on the potty, don’t panic. Some kids have a hard time separating themselves from the stuff that comes out of them. They think it’s an integral part of them and worry about… well… they just don’t understand that some part of them didn’t just fall off. Just reassure your child that what just happened (poop in the pot and not in a nappy) was a good thing, and don’t force them back on the toilet if they are still panicked about what happened. Eventually, your kid will get it.

I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the Japanese potty training videos… it could give your kid nightmares:

I hate my washing machine. I don’t like to do laundry–wait, I don’t mind doing laundry, and I like having clean clothes. I hate folding clothes. I’m a great go out for a walk and have an adventure mom. I’m not so hot on the domesticity.

Some hints, then, on better wash:

• always check ALL pockets for stuff: I just washed a good sized stick I’d neglected to find in my son’s pockets, and am forever pulling out crayons, rocks, weird sticky toys, etc, not to mention the inevitable tissue…
• Vinegar in the rinse cycle is a fine clothes softener
• hot water sets stains, so don’t do it! As soon as you can, put a pre-treater on the stain and let it soak in cold water, then add it to the wash
• Use bleach sparingly, as it does break down the fibres of your clothes. If you’ve got a kid like mine, your whites aren’t ever going to be white without a little help. Oxiclean or other oxygen-based cleaners do a great job
• don’t put wool sweaters in the washing machine. Just don’t. I wouldn’t recommend doing it with cotton sweaters either. Wash by hand, and lay flat to dry. Don’t wring them out, either. Lay the sweater flat on a towel, roll the sweater up in the towel, then walk on the rolled towel to force excess moisture from the sweater.
• Use a lingerie bag for your unmentionables. Hook your bras closed before washing them, as the hooks can snag on other fabrics and ruin them
• Zip all zippers before washing clothes. The zipper teeth can damage other fabrics in the wash

Your clothes will get more wear if you take a little time before you wash them.
Oh… and try this weird but reliable method to remove chocolate stains: soak the stain in milk, and then launder as usual.