I guess Scarlett Johansson has finally gotten sick of being sexy and decided to start looking like this. Instead of owning a mirror, she probably has a giant poster of herself up when she was hot. There's no other explanation for how she could leave her house wearing my mom's pants. And I guess she's still doing the nose ring thing. Because, you know, if you're gonna look like crap you might as well go all the way. It's ...

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