By Christine Foley
How can husbands be more involved early on in a pregnancy? I adore my husband and, for the most part, he is extremely supportive of everything going on in my life. However, going through our second pregnancy (the first ended in a miscarriage at 14 weeks), it has become very clear to me that not much is changing in his life and a LOT is changing in mine. So what can I do to get him more active in these changes?
My waist and thighs have not gotten much bigger yet – just thick enough to make my clothes tight, I notice with envy as he shrugs on the same old clothes every morning, my side of the room littered with clothes that are uncomfortable. Every night for the last few weeks, I have been putting his hand on my stomach and asking him to talk to the baby. Usually he just makes sarcastic comments about the baby’s gender, but he’s been getting more into it and when he leaves in the morning sometimes he rubs my slight tummy and say “goodbye, baby.”
Here are some other things we can do together – and which you and your significant other might enjoy as well!
1. Talk about names
For us, this will probably take the full 9 months to reach a compromise, but it’s fun going through the lists we have.
2. Look at Baby items together
My husband finally got into the spirit of shopping for the baby when, a Jeep driver himself, he found out that Jeep makes a stroller. Of course, we have to get it!
3. Leave your baby books out
Sometimes, if I leave the room and then stand sneakily outside the doorway, he will actually reach over and review the chapter I am looking at. I try not to pressure him into it since he doesn’t much care for reading, but I am really happy when he takes the initiative.
4. Keep a secret
During my first pregnancy, we told EVERYONE. We were so excited. This time, we haven’t told many people yet and it kind of creates a little more secretive romance for us when I decline alcohol or take a Dramaine(TM) to control the nausea. Sure, there isn’t much appealing about nausea, but when you explain to others that you just must be experiencing a little motion sickness, you can share a little smile.
How do YOU get your significant other involved?
I love my boyfriend but i feel so alone during this whole thing. He says he is “ok keeping it but either decision is ok for him”. I just feel like he should be mire enthusiastic about our first baby. What can i do to help him get more involved? Or are we making a mistake by having him/her?
Hey Ashley,
Okay I am by no means an expert on this topic but reading your story reminds me of one of my very close friends. She and her boyfriend got married last year when they were 21 and 4 months later, she got pregnant. The boyfriend (now husband) suddenly started to act moody and cranky and they constantly fought to the point where she was at her wits end and didn’t know what to do! After some serious counselling it turns out that he was basically not ready for a child and was freaking out. It was an unplanned pregnancy and that obviously makes the situation different. Was it the same for you? What about financially? Are you in a position to provide for this child or will you really have to work hard to make ends meet? I don’t think you’re making a mistake by having the child but you really need to sit down with your boyfriend and talk to him. Besides, you’re the mother. I think the father usually takes a little longer to “warm up” to the idea of having a baby. Hopefully, its just a case of pre baby jitters! I wish you all the luck wth your baby and your boyfriend :)