Michelle Marsh - who I think might be famous in the UK for doing absolutely nothing - was spotted running around the beach topless trying to prevent her gigantic boobs from tearing off. And wow are those things big. My eyes cartoonishly popped out of my head when I looked at them. This must be what people feel like the first time they get a glimpse of my biceps.

I can't tell if anything naughty is actually showing, so I'm just ...