Tony Parker’s new rap record sounds like unhip-hop to us. The San Antonio Spur and fiancé of “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria yesterday released his debut album, “Balance-toi,” in which he’s heard bragging in French about his lavish lifestyle. Some of the less-than-impressive lyrics translate as: “What, you want to dance? No, it’s not worth it. Me, I’ll stay on the sofa, enjoy ing the vibe by raising my arms.” Stick to dribbling and leave the rapping to the pros, ...

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