Here’s Jessica Biel in a pink bathrobe and slippers taking out the trash. Exciting. I wonder what’s in the bag. Is it…is it trash? My powers of deduction are telling me yes it is. What’s inside the trash though. Used panties that I can rub all over my face? Probably not, but a man can dream and not even jail can stifle a dream. Electroshock therapy, maybe, but jail? Never.

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