Is Your Friendship Worth Risking for Romantic Love?
The situation can go either way when you risk your friendship finding out that you are in love with him or with her: you can turn your friend into a lover and end up as a couple with a happy ending, or you can end up making things awkward for the both of you and ruin a perfectly good, platonic relationship.
So how will you know if your ‘love’ is worth risking your friendship? At the end of the day, it all depends on how strongly you feel for your friend. Use both your heart and your mind in making the decision. Can you bear the thought of losing a perfectly good friendship if you find out that your friend does not feel the same way? Once you blurt out your feelings, that will be the turning point of your relationship and your friendship – as it was before – can never be brought back. On the other hand, if your feelings are so strong that you just cannot bear the thought of your friend not knowing how you feel, then it is probably worth risking the friendship.
Whether your friend returns the romantic feelings that you have or not is a question which will be difficult to ask – but taking the risk of ruining your friendship is more acceptable than not letting your friend know how you feel. Who knows, if your friend secretly feels the same way about you, you just might be in for a happy ending.
I have been in love with the same man for 14yrs, and I finally told him.
... See more /> He’s been one of my best friends since I was 16. Through the years we have seen our ups and downs: been thorough boyfriends and girlfriends, his failed marriage, careers, family, heartbreak and disappointment. We’ve survived the good, the bad and the ugly. Even survived my leaving our home town after High School, returning years later. We’ve gone for months without talking, then picked up right where we left off as if no time had ever passed.
We talk about everything and nothing, meet for coffee or drinks at least once a week, call to check in if we miss a week. He helps me with repairs around my house, and listens and offers advice with any issue, even when my hearts been broken….yet again.
My family and friends are of the opinion that we belong together, and are not shy about sharing that view point.
The other night, he came over for drinks. I ecpressed to him my feelings, concerns and desires. He reciprocated, admitting that he had had the same thoughts through the years. I’m the one he trusts above all others, the one who has never crossed him. He cares about me, and even through out the “L” word….
But, its never been the right time. He currently lives with a girlfriend he’s not exactly sure of, (and hasn’t been for some time. They’ve been together 2yrs, and I’ve never met her,) is in the middle of changes at work, and a family crisis. He’s scared. Everything is changing around him, and he isn’t someone who likes change. And there I was, his best friend asking him to change EVERYTHING.
We agreed that our friendship means everything, and that we would remain friends regardless of what happens down the road. It’s not a chance that we want to miss, but that its something that requires thought. The option is there, and it’s now up to him to take it.
I’m happy I made the choice to tell him instead of suffering in silence, and was pleasantly surprised by his response. But at the same time…it brakes my heart that the man I trust completely and care about unconditionally is still with someone else. Stuff never happens like in the movies, and this is such a movie moment… :(
Good things come to those that wait…but I will not wait forever.
It’s sad that there is seldom a “happily ever after” in real life. Sigh. But, I guess it’s great that you put your emotions out there and told him finally. It definitely opens ... See more that little window of possibility. Maybe sometime in the future, when the timing is right, you’ll find your happily ever after :)
im doing anything and everything to make her happy. she says that, after she move on, on her past gf, ill be the only one who will love her. on that time i think and i feel that she love me and she love her gf too. so i continue to date her, and going out with her and her friends, time comes wr or me? accidentally start and solidified a friendship. like GROUP OF FRIENDS. me, her, friends. after almost a month of their break up, i ask her that whats next, i want to be official something like that. then she says that she scares to take the risk that bla bla bla bla and ruin our friendship. her close friends, my close friends. in the first place i’m doing all this because of her. she says that im special friend. up among of our other friends. i dont know what to do. should i move on? how? my friends, her friends. And wr at the same school. Until now im hoping that she will take this risk. :(
The worst thing about love is its uncertainty. What I mean to say is that you can never be guaranteed that a person will feel the same way about you forever as she ... See more does today and there’s little you can do to change the way she feels about you. I think you should let her go because she seems to be sure about her decision. Also, exes can be friends! My ex and I are in the same group and we’re doing fine….great even. It take some time, awkwardness and a lot of effort but it IS possible.
Good luck to you both :)
did i do the right thing ? or make a big mistake ?!?
Personally, I think it’s awesome that you told him how you feel. It’s not always easy to put your feelings out there especially when you know he doesn’t feel the same way. We ... See more can only hope that he sees it the same way and doesn’t let it affect your friendship.
think he saw it in a good way
been waitng a yr for this to happen thank god it finally did
I will say this, without risk – there is no possibility of gain. Sometimes you have to throw all the cards on the table and see what happens. If the friendship is strong enough, it can survive anything…
Even if our romance never takes shape, at least I know I tried: I won’t have to ever wonder “what if”. The most important thing is that I know I’ll always have my life long friend to share the winds, twists and turns of the future with :)
Sadly, I think it was just a one night stand. I don’t think she wants anything more than friendship. I hope you understand and respect her choices. Take a little break from her. ... See more I think it’ll do both of you some good.
Like I said, respect her for her decision and move on. I know she made the first move but sometimes you just get caught up in the moment and things happen. Doesn’t always ... See more mean, it’s going to end up somewhere. I don’t think you should be pushy. Let her be. I know it’s hard but its for the best :)
Glad you’re doing the right thing :)
If I were you, I would try and figure out my best friends feelings for her. Talk to him about it and if he doesn’t seem to like her that much, I think ... See more you should just tell him how you feel. If he’s your best friend, he will appreciate the honesty and the fact that you chose to tell him before doing anything. Hope this helped :)
We met at a party and then spent a day together. The conversation was fantastic. I was more open with her than I am with most people. By the end of our time I wanted to share how I was feeling, but I feared she might misinterpret me. Was she just being kind to someone from out of town? I have been sad and lonely, and maybe this was too obvious?
Since returning home I have written her a couple of times and phoned, and she does not respond. She is a very busy person. But I worry that I lost my one opportunity for this connection. It is frustrating to have this distance between us with the only contact by very occasional e-mail or looking at her on Facebook. I wonder what her touch feels like and despair that I will never know.
Is it too impersonal – or too needy – to send her an e-mail saying what I have been thinking about? Is it normal to feel this lovelorn?
I almost feel a little inexperienced writing to you but here goes. Considering you are going through a divorce and are in your words “sad and lonely”, I think it’s easy to get ... See more attracted to someone you have effortless conversation with. But to tell her on a whim and jeopardize your friendship and connection….I don’t know if it’s worth it. Don’t you think if she felt the same way, she would make it a point to reply to your emails or return your phonecalls no matter how busy she was? Maybe you need to give her time to feel the same way you do. Sending her an email telling her how you feel will make you seem a little needy, yes. So back off and wait for her to respond before taking this any further.
Hope this helps!
I never think of people as inexperienced or experienced in this area. Personally, I always feel like a beginner. The risk is there no matter the age. It means a lot to have a listening ear. Thanks again for your wise words.
I’m just glad I could help :)
Good luck with her and the divorce. I’m sure it’s a terrible time for you and I’m sure, as with everything, time will take care of the hurt :)
Since I let my friend know how I felt about her (and her rejecting ... See more me), i’ve played it completely cool and not given her any special attention.
After months of ignoring her, last night we went out. She told me she loves me and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me! We kissed and left it at that.
It’s a great outcome, i’m not sure what to do next though. I’m not sure if I should keep the cool act going. We aren’t best friends anymore, but we are starting to develop a totally new romantic friendship. I feel pretty good though :)
Risking it was worth it.
Awww that’s wonderful!!! Congratulations!
I don’t think you should play it cool or indifferent anymore. Take it slow though. I wish you all the luck in the world! :)
…T