Yesterday morning I accidentally ran into my old friend Liza who is a furniture designer of 33 happily married to an older and bolding investment banker Cliff (sorry, but I had to change names of these two and now you will see why).
As I was saying, I met Liza yesterday walking my dog at 5 in the morning and she still had that Friday night out look with a bit smudged smoky eye hailing a taxi and kissing right in the street with a handsome stranger. That tall drink of water was not her Cliff. As a matter of fact, Cliff was supposed to be in Europe for the next 2 weeks…
As soon as I saw them I knew that the awkward moment could not be avoided - I could not just run away - she would have recognized my back and my dog Alba which would have made it even more awkward afterwards.
Later that day Liza called me and we met for lunch. After the 10 minute “catch-up” chat she decided to bring up the “morning” topic, my face blushed like I was the one partying with another man. Anyway, here is what she said (not word for word, of course, but you will grasp the idea):
It’s just an old friend of mine, we went to college together and he was in the city for the weekend. It’s not as if it was serious or anything, just one time thing, I love Cliff and Cliff loves me, I would never get into anything that could end our marriage… And last night it was just fun. I hope you understand.
I knew women were cheating, I cheated myself but I did not know that women in great relationships cheated too. Do we?
I decided to ask a few more friends:
I cheated on my second husband once - when my girlfriends and I were in Las Vegas - I was so drunk I do not even remember his name… or his face… I would not recognize him in the street. After this I had that “guilt” feeling for almost 6 months, every time someone said Las Vegas I would blush. The first day I got home it felt like it was all written on my forehead, I still can’t believe we lived for 2 years after that without him knowing of what happened. Till the day we were filing for a divorce.
Diane, 38, accountant
I never cheated on my husband, I would have died of shame if I did and he would have found out, he is so honest and loving… He’s just gave me this Tiffany bracelet for our 2 months wedding anniversary, look!
Elison, 27, MBA student
I never cheated on neither the 1st, the 2nd or the 3d bastard I’ve been married to, somehow they always were first to cheat on me, assholes, all men are assholes!
Grace, 36, PR agent, Diane’s friend
“I think women crave more emotion sometimes, than what their partner gives and sadly are misguided into thinking an affair and sex will help when it’s the emotional side they are missing.”
Barbara Siragusa, 50, Beauty Cast Babe
“For me personally, there’s always got to be love, care and respect to consider it a great relationship, and I’d never cheat if I had something like that, even if I felt the need to spice up my relationship I’d let him know what I want to solve it together and avoid cheating!”
“If it is a great relationship, what are the positive things making it a great relationship? If it is a great relationship, it would seem then, that she would not have a need to cheat. Women who are not in great relationships and feel there is more out there, the old saying, the grass may be greener, may then want to explore to see if there is something better. A woman considering exploring (cheating) who is not in a great relationship just seems to make a bit more sense. Her needs may not be met in a not so good relationship, regarding attention, affection, respect etc. She may not feel special anymore and may want to feel that way again.”
Shoreen, 45
“Yes they do, I know from experience. Unfortunately most girls are just like most guys. they are never satisfied with one person and they like variety. no matter how good he is he is always gonna lack something(even the most petty things) and girls place way too much importance on that and look for it in someone else instead of appreciating all of the good things he has.”
“The weakest point why cheating do occur is sexual dissatisfaction. This fire only burns during honey moon and completely dies out in the face of reality of hard work and busy schedule. A man fails to combine both his work and bedroom fatigues thereby causing loss of desire towards his wife. A woman still in high libido will look through the window for what can cool her fire.”
“Yes, women can cheat while in great relationships, i did, i was suffering from depression, i thought i hated my partner, i thought he hated me, i felt like i had failed as a mother, a friend and as a person, i became desperate to find a way out, i found it in another man… my relationship was great, but it was me that needed help.”
Looks like sometimes women in good relationships cheat and sometimes women in bad relationships do not, some of them feel guilty afterwards and others wish they were the first to cheat…
I cheated on my first boyfriend back in college - I was going out with another guy for about 4 months and they both had no idea of what was going on. Maybe my old boyfriend decided not to notice flowers and my late nights out and the new one was too busy to pick me up right after classes. I finally had to break up with both of them, because somewhere in the middle of this mess I met this third guy who is my husband now.
Special thanks to the girls who gave their opinion on the matter.
- Is He a Cheater? 10 Obvious Signs of Cheating
- 7 Days Step-by-Step Instruction on How to Revive Your Relationships by Making Your Man Jealous
- Building a Long-lasting Relationship
- Cheating Love
- 10 Most Common Relationship Break Dealers
I dont think so
All women cheat
love love love
ohh…i am the unlucky one..because my cyber boyfriend bring back girl for me and they make love and i watched it!! my goodness…women won’t cheat!!! i am so innoence…guys are the worst still!!!but i still in love with him!dilemma!! :D
I guess it is really hard to consider a cyber relationship a good one Karina. You need to think and assess the situation. Does he really love you?
main thing for Karina that she loves him - fact that he does not lone her just give her deeper feeling…
don’t you think?
I guess.. One of the fators are because of their peers.. There’s no such kind of great relationship..
oh my goodness….my dear friend,i really love him but i am not sure about him..even though i know one day he and i might just lose contact but i am willing to take the risk…life is to take risks and sometimes we might not gain anything but experience is always ther…maybe one day i might forget him..lol.. anyway,thanks to you guys…huggss
The most acceptable fact is a human social category of choice and acceptance.Noone forces one to cheat if done under free will. When relating to another and facing the stresses of life,ennui,chance.fears,hopes and more, many people just seek another comfort zone. Why are there so many addictions.Power,money,sex,and ect. Because mans justification to exist is based on his external satisfactions to massage his inner sensations and ego or super alter ego. ect…Without love and christ man is in satans playground.
the best of couples in relationship cheat, there are times in relationship when you are bombarded by your parthner of cheating because he heard from somebody, you become complacent and said what will be will be,but in most cases it is the accuse who is cheating and is afraid of you seeing them, so you must go on the road when they say or the may be afraid of you seeing them,but all in all men must know that women need as much social time as men, but get less because of commitment to her children, but yes women will always cheat because most men these day have low self esteem.
I guess it wont be a great relationship then if a woman would cheat. People may just see it as great but it’s only the woman who could tell the real situation in a relationship.
Great article. I would love to see a poll about this. To see what the statistics of this really are.
Sandy’s suggestion would be great. A poll on this topics would be great.
Yeah, a poll could help us come up with a very good conclusion.
What is it in our make up that would make us monogomous?
Our genetics?
Our culture?
Comparison with other animals?
Umm, I dont think its there.
And when you stack logic against hormones or testosterone, hey logic almost always loses.
So, the ony thing is the potential embarresment that may be occur if we are caught up with.
Not a very strong influence when you look at the number of cheating spouses out there.
Next question?
Try to make this one hard ok?
I just did - I cheat. And man, my husband was almost the perfect man on earth, he is caring, loving, sincere, holy and capable… and we’ve been together for almost 10 years and both love each other very much. But somehow I was just started to get bored and I gave in to another man whom I knew was just looking for a short-term affair, and we went to bed on our second meeting. I felt guilty, and I know I will never let my husband knows abt this.
I think that people cheating in great relationships makes a lot of people scratch their heads because we are trying to see relationships through a model of what we would like to happen, instead of what is actually happening. There’s of a personal ways I’m sure you could apply that, but we all have this idea of everlasting love and a persons most natural and powerful biological urge shutting down once we fall in love wth them. Some people are just going to cheat no matter what, but I don’t think it makes them bad people. In fact, based on everything we’ve learned about psychology, physiology and evolutionary psychology, I would say that it makes them just regular people.
Most women say that they will never cheat and few do cheat - mostly the insecure ones who like to hang on to another branch before they let go of the first one.
In some cases, they will not even let go of the first one and might even go back to him or try to keep both. A lot of women today disgust me and I wonder how they have become like this.
But I do love how it is always something that these girls use as an excuse. This is what I would say to a cheating wife.
Blame your husband. Accuse him of emotional neglect and lack of communication. It must be his fault. Or point the finger at the neighbor. If this Lothario hadn’t pursued you, nothing would have happened. Then again, the culprit could be the neighbor’s wife. She wasn’t taking care of her man.
Perhaps society had a role in this. After all, everyone’s doing it. Or finally, you might deny everything. It wasn’t sex because you didn’t sleep together.
The problem with all these defenses is you knew you were married, you knew it was wrong, and you got caught red-handed. That is it. If you weren’t caught, you would have never told him.
There is something else we know is true. There is so little connection between you and your husband this occurred. The two of you need to sit down and honestly decide if staying together simply postpones the inevitable.
I’ve been married for almost 10 years, but my husband and I have been together for 14. I have never cheated, but I see how it can happen. As things tend to get predictable in a relationship, it doesn’t always matter how good a man is to you. He has to give you what you need on more than one level. It’s beyond sex, beyond listening, and beyond being sweet. It’s all about him being in love with you enough to know what you need.
After the relationship has been established most men (and women) are going to do just enough to keep things comfortable. Unfortunately that’s not enough. As humans we are always wanting more; hell we are here to elevate ourselves. Yet we do so little when it comes to creating bliss with the person we love.
I notice one thing in cheaters overall. Through personal experience and close friends, and hell some of the posters. They never take full responsibility and if the blame is not deflected onto the man..its to the situation. Yet somehow no effort was made to work on it until after the cheating actually took place and they were caught or felt too guilty….
If people would stop and think..seriously think about what they are doing they would realize when choices like this are made for people without them knowing then they would understand this is someones life they are playing with. What if someone you loved made choices that directly affected your life without you knowing it and those choices could’nt lead to anywhere but a bad place? If someone lacks this ability or can not learn it they are a hazard to us all because I assure you if they can keep sacrificing their self respect and dignity and their lives..then I seriously doubt they will have qualms about taking others down with them. Good night and good luck folks.