My hair has been bugging the crap out of me lately, I can’t stand it when it gets a bit long. My last haircut blew so this time I decided to go to one of them there fancy places.

I was greeted by some dude dressed in all black. Roberto. A gay hairstylist. Well it didn’t say that on his nametag but…c’mon…he was very gay? I was relieved since I’ve never had a bad haircut from a gay guy.

He was washing my hair and I noticed he had what they call in broadcasting a “cruch”. Something you say all the time when you’re trying to fill the silence or something you use as punctuation at the end of a thought. We all do it. But his was damn funny.

“So whar do ju live? Hmmmmm?

Everything ended in Hmmmm. Used to express a question, excitement with an upswing HmmmmMMMMM, he could fashion a Hmmm to mean anything.

Roberto- So are ju sangle? Hmmm?

Me- Yup.

Roberto- Ju like the big city? Hmmmm?

Me- Yeah it’s so exciting here so much to do, so many people and cultures.

Roberto- Jes it’s a great place to party, do you party Hmmmm?

Me- Yeah sure who doesn’t like to party?

Roberto- Hmmmmmmm

Now there’s a party of me…the “Hey don’t think I’m gay” part of me that wanted to say something very hetero just to make sure there wasn’t any confusion.

Something like:

“So where can a guy get some pussy around here”

Or

“Man, don’t you just love vaginas? Three cheers for vaginas! Hip Hip Hooorayyyy.”

Then I thought hey, relax, just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he wants to jump my bones. Besides even if he does wanna maybe he’ll give you a better haircut thinking that there’s a BJ in it for him if he does a good job.

Do you thing there are straight male hairstylists that act gay just so they can get the job?? Just wondering.

Afterwards the woman at the checkout asked how much of a tip I wanted to leave for him, she gave me three options. 10% 15% or 20%.

Me- Umm I don’t know, how much is the total?

Her- $65

Me- (Mouth wide open) ummmm 15%.

Holy crap n crap! It really doesn’t look like a $65 haircut. I normally go to some cheapo place and this looks just a little better…barely better than that.

I took a photo and sent it to a friend. She asked me if it was the before photo or the after photo.

So much for paying extra for a kick ass haircut.

Then again, I may just have really bad hair.

Walking out I was greeted by a very attractive salesgirl selling some perfume stuff.

I hate this. When the very beautiful sales girl flirts with you trying to sell you stuff. Look Hot-sales-lady, I know it’s you’re job but you’re not going to trick me with your flirting into buying something. I know how you ask “Wanna buy it for your girlfriend?” and when I say I don’t have one, you give that little wink acting like Ohhhh you’re interested now..if only I would buy some stuff then we’d go have sex.

Ok so I bought some of the cologne.

My penis told me to do it.

But I bought the smallest bottle out of protest.

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