19 Ways to Help You Recover when You've Been Cheated on ...

Getting cheated on isn't easy to deal with, because the person you trusted more than anything decided to play with your heart until he broke it. But no matter how horrible you feel, things will get better in the future. You need to believe that. Even if you don't at the moment, here are some ways to get over a cheating ex:

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Know It's Not You

human hair color, girl, mouth, black hair, finger, The inevitable first question to pop up in your mind will be: Why me?! If your ex felt the need to go behind your back to be with someone else, there must be something wrong with you, right? WRONG! As I see it, sure your ego has taken a huge hit and you can come up with a thousand reasons as to why you are to blame. But trust me honey, if my ex cheated on me, chances are he needed no reason to do so.

All that self hate that follows is only the result of a broken heart and you can't really blame yourself. The point is, your relationship may have been going through the worst possible phase but even that's no excuse for your ex to do what he did.

So what do you do? Stop mulling over it. You are not at fault and he was not good enough for you. No one who cheats ever is. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will get over it.

Mourn

hair, human hair color, girl, long hair, human, This is undoubtedly the worst phase of the "recovery" process. And we've all been there. Sometimes it's so bad that you feel like you have hit rock bottom. But I remember what a friend once told me, "Remember the silver lining... everything from now is only going to go uphill."

We all have our own ways of mourning. For me, it is to literally do what my heart desires at that moment. I like being alone and shutting myself off from the rest of the world... sitting in my room and bawling my eyes out while watching sappy romantic classics.

I've even tried burning my ex's pictures which trust me, made me feel a whole lot better. These though temporary solutions, still work. I wish I could think of something more long-term though. Any thoughts?

Accept It

black, photograph, face, person, black and white, Once you're done mourning, accept the breakup. Accept that it is over. I have found that this really is my first big step towards healing.

Fun with Friends

girl, fun, finger, What in the world would we do without friends? I mean really! Everytime, I have had a horrible breakup, I call my best friends and even if we do nothing but sit and talk, it makes me feel a whole lot better!

I know that my loved ones are always going to be around to watch my back...specially when I need it the most. So I surround myself with them. You should too. Go out with the girls. Party it up. Have fun! I once got two hamsters to cheer myself up and guess what...it really took my mind off my ex! Take up a new hobby. Take a trip! Anything to get your mind off the ex.

And please avoid places that remind you of your ex. Sometimes, it's unavoidable, especially if like my ex and I, you go to the same school... But try your best! The idea is to distract yourself so that when you eventually think of your ex, it would have been so long that you won't feel all that bad! It's worked for me in the past. How about you?

Avoid Temptation

hair, human hair color, blond, beauty, hairstyle, Here you are thinking that the hard part is over when suddenly vulnerability sets in. Know that it is very normal to miss your ex and want him back even though he broke your heart.

You miss the familiarity and the companionship and you begin to wonder... "What if I call to just say Hello"...."One cup of coffee wouldn't hurt" ...That's how it starts but trust me, you do NOT want to go down that road again!

Famous Quotes

Silence at the proper season is wisdom, and better than any speech.

Plutarch

Give Your Ex Another Chance

girl, interaction, love, I have seen and heard of many women who are willing to give their exes a second chance. Personally, I wouldn't want to do that ever. Trust once destroyed is hard to win back. And for me, the scars left behind would be too deep to get over. But of course, you have to figure out what works for you.

If you do decide to work things out, I would suggest getting help from a counselor. Of course, it will be a very hard process and one would really have to give it their all. Have any of you been in this situation and has it worked out?

Move on

black and white, monochrome photography, beauty, photography, darkness, Time is the best healer! And I firmly believe that when you are ready to move on... you will. I find it best to forgive my ex. And I mean really really forgive him in my heart. Of course that's easier said than done but you will find that forgiving him will not only make you the bigger person but help you to move on.

Do not rush into a new relationship. At the same time, do not shut yourself from the possibility of something new. Sure, your last relationship ended on a horrible note but be open to giving love another chance.

Stop drawing parallels between your ex and the new guy. Contrary to popular belief, not all men are the same. I would sit down with the new guy and talk to him. Tell him how you honestly feel, express your fears and trust issues and if it's meant to be, he will completely understand, right?

See a Rebound

event, interaction, games, recreation, darkness, If you really want to get over your ex, you might have to resort to dire measures. No, you don't have to hook up with a stranger. You should just make a date with a guy that you get along with and enjoy the evening. It doesn't matter if you end up getting married or even going on a second date. You just need to get your mind off of your ex.

Write Yourself a Letter

girl, conversation, reading, communication, writing, Despite what he's done to you, you might wake up one day and start missing him again. That's why you need to write a letter to yourself that lists all the negatives about your ex. Don't be afraid to be mean. No one else will see the letter but you, so be as cruel as you can.

Focus on Yourself

Instead of immediately searching the city for a new boyfriend, enjoy being single for a bit. Try to climb your career ladder or learn a new talent. Do whatever you've always wanted to do, but never had time for when you were dating.

Have Family Time

fashion, event, girl, fun, drink, Your family can be just as helpful as your friends are when it comes to cheering you up. I mean, your parents and siblings were there for you since you were born, so they should know how to make you smile by now. If you're upset, tell them and they'll volunteer to make you dessert or hug you while you cry.

Get Closure

It's difficult to move on if you don't get closure. As much as you hate your ex, having one last conversation with him could help you. If you don't know why he cheated on you, ask him to explain it. Even if he refuses to talk about it, you can at least give an official goodbye.

Cry

girl, smile, Even if you've already moved passed the mourning stage of breaking up, it's still okay to cry every once in a while. When something reminds you of your ex or you find out that he's moved on, the tears are a healthy thing. Don't hold back your emotions, because that'll only make things worse.

Stay Active

photograph, black, footwear, black and white, exercise equipment, Go to the gym, take your dog for walks, or join a local soccer team. Do whatever you can to stay active. It'll do more than get you in tiptop shape. It'll also keep your mind healthy and take your thoughts off of your ex. Plus, having a smoking hot body is good revenge.

Delete His Number

human hair color, girl, black hair, long hair, socialite, If you haven't deleted his number yet, do it now. After that, unfriend him on Facebook and stop following his Instagram. You don't need to see his face ever again.

Complain to Your Friends

hair, hairstyle, girl, long hair, hair coloring, Sometimes, letting off a little steam is all you need to start feeling better. Find a friend who won't mind hearing you rant about your ex and then let the curses fly. As long as you complain to someone who won't judge you, it'll help you get over him.

Avoid Contact

girl, product, interaction, audience, screenshot, You've already deleted his number, but you need to remember to stay away from him in real life as well. Seeing his face in the hallways can be just as bad as messaging him. It's impossible to avoid him if you attend the same school or work at the same office, but you can always avoid the places that he frequents that you don't need to go to, like certain bars and restaurants.

Spend Money on Yourself

human hair color, nose, blond, black hair, human, Take all that money that you would've spent on his birthday gifts and use them on yourself. Buy some beauty products and DVDs that you normally wouldn't splurge on. It's time for you to treat yourself!

Get a MakeOver

girl, Why do you think the cliche about single women getting makeovers exists? Well, because changing something as simple as your hair can give you an entirely new outlook on life. It'll make you way more confident, and when you walk with pride, you'll keep a positive attitude.

Take it one step at a time and you will be just fine. And one day when you wake up, you will find that you are no longer hurting. You might find someone else to share your love with or better yet, you will realize that as good as it feels to be in a relationship, it's great to be single again! And that the world is a happy place once again...

There is of course no established foolproof route for getting over an ex that cheated on you. But I would like to hear your stories and how you have changed after that experience. After all, we learn from each other...

This article was written in collaboration with editor Holly Riordan.

Feedback Junction

Where Thoughts and Opinions Converge

I know I have to get out of it but it is soo hard :( and everytime I think about no contacts with him at all makes me think constantly what he is thinking and i juss miss him.. :( and I cant seem to imagine myself with anybody else but him :(

Hi everyone. Oh man where do I even start. I met him when I was in high school. Freshman year after I moved to Temecula. I knew I could manipulate him from the start and I knew he had a big crush on me. I used to be overly confident. We had a lot of great times together. He loved me very much and did anything and everything for me. He made me things, bought me things, forgave me, he talked to me and listened to me. He fought for me. But I cheated on him. The first year I cheated on him seven times because I was young and stupid+ overly confident and aw man would I shove it in his face. I beat the poor guy with the stories of how I cheated on him and where and why. I broke his heart and made him cry and couldn't care less because I knew he would take me back. I knew how much he loved me. I manipulated him and tore him apart and after that christmas, he never loved me the same again. I could tell from the limp hug he gave me. Well the second year we stayed together because we had high hopes that we would get married and be together forever. High school dreams. But he started to cheat on me, his life fell apart, he started to treat me different, he started to grow up. He went out more, ignored me, put me to the side, and honestly I didn't care because I was going through my own struggles, by then we were long distance. Temecula(him) --> Riverside (me). I moved back to Temecula just for him the third year we stayed together. But we had a huge fall out where he started to yell at me and put his hands on me. Yes I'll admit, at that time, we both hit each other. The fourth year I started college and he was in LA, I was in Pomona and the ignoring, cheating, and lying got really bad. He just didn't love me anymore. We just weren't how we used to be. All those hopes and dreams of us were gone. But he would never admit he was cheating on me and I just always believed him even though my guts told me otherwise. By the fifth year which was this year, he admitted to me that the past four years he had cheated on me over twenty times. On our prom night, at school dances, at parties, he even had someone move in with him at one point. I was devastated and we stopped talking for about a month. He came back though and I was desperate. After the first year I vowed to never treat him that way again and I meant it. I loved him with all of me and I gave him anything he wanted. Well we got back together in June. I thought he had changed. Ten days ago I found out he got fired from a very popular music company (his dream job) because he was sleeping with one of the managers in a different department and all the employees to help them "get up" in the job. I spoke to the manager he was sleeping with and told her my story. We both felt sorry for each other and I vowed to never speak to him again. I was done and I made sure he couldn't reach me and he didn't. Last night I went out to a little get together for the employees (we worked together) and I did not expect him to be there at all. I swear. He always pops up unexpectedly and yes after four hours of hanging out, he arrives, and god my heart dropped. A thousand knives hit me, but I was drunk and I managed. Apparently he is currently sleeping with the hostess of the party. I feel bad. I feel shitty. All of me wishes he would love me back. Part of me wishes he would come to me. I just don't know what to do. But after reading this, I guess it's obvious. He stopped loving me and has just been using me ever since and I love him or want to make it right or feel guilty about what I did that I refuse to let him go. When does this end? Sincerely, Almost six years- Jan. 30,2009- Jan 30,2015

I don't know how old this article is, but I'm feeling pretty terrible right now, and if someone would please give me some advice so I don't feel lame, I would appreciate. My story goes something like this: my ex and I met our freshman year of high school, and always had a thing for each other and were good friends but nothing ever happened until six years later (this year). We finally decided to make the leap into seeing each other. I feel like an idiot because the signs were so clear to me now in retrospect, but about a month in he stopped talking to me as much, didn't ask me to hang out as often. When I confronted him about it, he told me had gotten fired recently and was just going through a rough time. I believed him, and felt terrible that I had gotten mad without knowing, and also that he felt he couldn't talk to me, because throughout our entire friendship I've always been very open and honest and had encouraged him to feel free to tell me anything. About 2 months later, he invited me out of town to his best friend's party, which I thought would be a good opportunity for us to be on our own (not at the party, but the going out of town part) and sort of get things back on track. However, he hardly spoke to me the entire way there (a 2 hour drive), and at the party he pretty much ignored me while he flirted with this other girl. I felt frustrated and upset, so I got rather drunk (not trashed but loopy) and just kind of kept to myself. I ended up talking to the other girl, casually, only to find out that he had been seeing her for the past month and a half or so. I told her he was also seeing me, and she was as surprised as I was. I confronted him, and he told me she was lying (I'm friends with her now, she told me he gave her the same line - that I was a liar). He started to call me names, which he had never done, and I thought of all of the times I'd bent over backwards to try to understand his feelings and his situations, etc. and how I defended him and his maltreatment of me to my friends and family and gotten into fights with them about it, UGH. I was so mad, I punched him in the face and knocked him on his feet. I know, I know, violence is never the answer, but damn it felt good. The other girl and I left together. I found out he had been sleeping with her too, and all the times he had been ignoring me or saying that he was busy, he was with her. It's been 4 months since then, and we haven't spoken at all, and I really thought I was over it. But it's just so hard for me to hold a grudge. And the way it ended...I just want to know WHY he did what he did. He was so important to me and he knew that, we were good friends, it just seemed so RANDOM. I can't put it together. He was my first love. I was mad in that moment, and I was mad for a few months, but I've cried so much and he broke my heart. Now I have this urge to talk to him, I miss his friendship and his company, but he betrayed my trust and he could never have it back. I can't bring myself to speak to him. I wish him well, but I just have to know why he did what he did. I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore. I know time heals all, but I don't feel like I'll ever be rid of him!! Is this normal? I don't know what to do. I feel pathetic that I would even consider trying to talk to him again. Advice? :(

I'm 25 yrs old and here's my story... I met him on a dating site and we hit it off instantly. It took him 3 months to decide to date him as I wasn't sure I was ready for a serious relationship. Well we started dating and everything was great! The sex/romance/chemistry between us was amazin... I never felt this way about someone. Then on his bday we were fooling around and about to have sex and he went soft... Obvious aside he blamed it on missing his family and turning another year older. A couple days later he got a new phone and left his old phone at place. My gut kicked in and I checked it only to find out he was still on the dating the site. I made a fake account and started chatting him up.. And he was responding and I at the point he was in my house and I packed up all his stuff and told him to go. After hours of deliberating he convinced me to give him another shot and stupid me did. Things were a little rocky but it got better he moved in with due to losing his job an needing a place to stay as he couldn't afford his other place. And along with money trouble it wasn't getting to be a difficult relationship. Well he got another job and things were getting back to normal and Christmas was great spoiled me completely. Well this week I got a phone call from his work asking where he was for the last two days and I was confused as he was texting me and telling me he was at work.. When I confronted him he lied saying his work was lying... Like really dude? Well he admitted to that I told him to move in to the guest room. The next day he didn't go to work cause he was apparently to upset and well he left his phone whiling he was showering and I checked and saw he was sending pictures of his dick to some dating site. I confronted him and he tried denying it and then said he thought we were over and he said it was a stupid mistake... I had feeling he was missing work for someone else but had no proof. Well noun stuck I told him he has to leave and he's not moving... He's got no money and can't afford another place to liv. I told home he has two weeks to get his ass in gear and to get out. But so far I see no movement... He's begging for another chance and he keeps saying it was a mistake and to go to couples counseling with him.... Help what do I do? Any advice would be great

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