New year, new me! Sound familiar? Of course it does. It’s a mantra everyone at this time of year hammers into themselves. No more time-wasting. No more excuses. Nothing is going to get in my way. This year is definitely going to be my year.

But change doesn’t just fall into your lap. Some people set unrealistic targets (you are never going to be another six inches taller), and many don’t stick with their resolutions long enough for results to show.

If you’re single, and you want to not be single, you have to take action and not just take what life throws your way. Or as the old wisdom intones: ‘you have to know where you are going if you are actually going to get there’. There are many successful online dating websites now available, which have made finding like-minded people easier than ever, but the necessity of a focused mind committed to personal upheaval must not be overlooked.

Step 1 – Define What You Really Want

Some people make extensive lists for their New Year’s resolutions, but don’t feel pressured to be as ambitious. Make a quick inventory of what you’re looking for in a mate, and what about yourself you’d like to improve. Then don’t look at it for a week and come back to it. Re-assess what you’ve written, and try to shorten the list. Repeat this until you have simple, short list of essential wants that are feasible to achieve.

If you’re having trouble making a decision, maybe try online dating? Many websites put an emphasis on getting their users to think very carefully about what they want in a partner, and also provide good relationship advice.

False wants are the ruin of many a new relationship, so keep the list with you at all times to remind you: it will help you to see the potential in people, rather than relying solely on physical attraction.