She expressed her anger at him for dying and leaving her. He was so good at so many things that he could have taught her, and wasn’t there. She expressed her sadness at his terrible suffering from cancer, and the anger at how it destroyed him. No one could talk about it because it was too sad, and that made her feel even more alone. After she got the real feelings out we could work on keeping her memory alive with her dad. If you are a parent dealing with a child who has lost someone dear and you have too, get help for yourself and help your child. Here are nine things you can do.
1. Don’t think that you need to go to a cemetery to express yourself to loved ones. If you teach spiritual development you are aware that the person doesn’t live in the cemetery. They live in you heart and mind which are with you everywhere. You want to keep that memory alive by carrying out behaviors of the person.
2. Create a tangible reminder that you can see everyday. Keep their favorite item in your closet, or favorite picture in your room. Dedicate a sculpture or statue or flower arrangement in your house to them. Plant a tree in your yard for them, or a flower.
3. Take a balloon and attach letters to them and let it fly free to the universe.
4. Write to them in a special journal only for them and your private communication to them.
5. Wear something that they liked to school.
6. Order their favorite meal, or make their favorite cake on their birthday. You can even take a piece of cake and bottle of wine to the cemetery or their favorite place on their birthday, If you feel sad, let yourself be sad.
7. Always talk to children about their deceased loved one, reminding them of how they are like that parent or have such good qualities like them. If they are sad, disconnected or don’t answer, that’s ok keep doing it.
8. Get help with yourself for the loss, and dealing with it if you are having trouble helping your children. If you don’t get help for yourself you will not be able to help your children with the things that they need to do to keep their loved ones spirit alive.
9. Teach children to live consciously, day by day in the moment. Life is short and we don’t want to miss connecting to anyone that we love, dead or alive.
Sally Sacks, M.Ed is a licensed psychotherapist, with 20 years of experience, counseling individuals, children, families and couples. Sally is the author of How to Raise the Next President, a groundbreaking parents’ guide to teaching and instilling in their kids the qualities they’ll need to be happy, successful and productive, no matter which path they choose in life. Sally offers personal and group coaching and can be reached through her website at www.sallysacks.com.
