Date: May 2006
How we met: I currently work for a defense contractor, spending much of my time in meetings at a military base. I had gotten locked out of a building without the proper credentials, so had to wait until some of my coworkers were out of that meeting to let me back in.
Previous flirtations: NavyMan had gotten upset with me a few weeks earlier, as I had gotten (ironically) stuck at work too late to come see him when he was in his whites. By the time I got back into town, he had changed.
What we did:
NavyMan was on base for an eye exam. I called and told him that I had a half hour to spare before my next meeting, so I wandered over to where the eye doctor was. He walked out of the building, dressed in his khakis.

Cute little hat…nice, fitted pants…excellent top. I never thought I was a sucker for a man in uniform but hooooo-leeeee crap. I just about melted.

He had several errands to do on base, so I walked him to his car. All of a sudden, some other guy in uniform saluted him, and NavyMan saluted him back. Dudes…despite the fact I am around this stuff a lot, it is so different when you see your boyfriend (there, I wrote it again!) do it. Especially when it just so happens to be that everybody you run into is of a lower rank than him–not because he is an admiral or anything, but because a run of good luck for him permitted him to look like one for ten or so minutes. (Lower rank salutes first)

We then parted ways, but agreed to meet up for lunch. He picked me up in his car outside of the building where my meetings had been. In the front seat was a bouquet of tulips. Sigh… We went to Papa Gino’s, a chain pizza place out of Boston. He took off his little hat to eat, but man, he still looked good.

FDS: 10 out of 10
How long it lasted: I think I finally get to see him in his whites this weekend (whites are the fancy ones)

After a long hiatus, I present the return of the very occasional “Dear Jamy” advice feature. This week, we have a question about the non-beginning of one relationship eand the probable ending of another.

Jamy–
I know the answer, but I have to give it a try. I have a crush on this great guy — he’s smart, adorable, athletic, and as sweet as can be. He’s one of those guys that I had an instant attraction to (and I blushed when I met him. I don’t blush). Well, throughout the year we’ve known each other, we haven’t dated at all. In fact, the only time he ever asked me out was the night we met (I skirted the issue because I had just gotten out of a relationship).

Thanks,
Sandra

Sandra,
You are never stupid for liking someone. Feelings are feelings—they are hard, nay, impossible to control. But you can control your actions.

There are a lot of reasons you two haven’t gotten together. Perhaps he’s not interested. Then again, he did give you the mix CD. That usually indicates interest. You haven’t been available, and neither has he, so there hasn’t been much opportunity for the two of you to get together. And since you are so nervous around him, he may not understand that you like him. Guys seem to do better with non-mixed signals. They need a direct approach and are easily confused (as are many women).

Instead of deciding that a relationship with this guy won’t work out, why don’t you ask him on a date and find out for sure? He’s leaving soon anyway, so what have you got to lose? But if you enjoy the crushing, feel free to indulge yourself indefinitely. Just don’t complain about it.

Love,
Jamy

Dear Jamy,

Kat

Dear Kat,
People don’t have expiration dates or “sell-by” dates. And I certainly hope that you don’t consider three years of your life spent with someone you love a waste. Do you know what you want? Marriage? Kids? This man? If your relationship remained as it is now, but you never married, would you be satisfied?

Even if you don’t marry him or can’t conceive biologically, it doesn’t mean you can’t have kids. But why are you raising this issue if you don’t care about it? I’m confused.

I’m also having a hard time understanding why it is the guy who gets to deicide whether or not you are marriage material. Why don’t you get to decide if you want to marry him? Why don’t the two of you decide together what you want to happen in this relationship?

Then again, perhaps what you really want is out and the lack of a proposal is your excuse.

Tell me if I’m wrong.

Jamy

P.S. I think that one can figure out if one’s partner is “marriage material” in the first six months or so of dating. I used to think you could tell immediately if the guy was marriageable (for you); I’ve since revised my opinion. Now, I think the best answer to the question, “Could I marry this guy?” (upon first acquaintance) is “Maybe.” If you think you’ve met your future husband after one meeting, you have lost your mind (I speak from experience). But I don’t understand why people stay together for many years and don’t get married if what they want to do is get married (unless they were 18 when they got together). My longest relationship lasted a year (plus). It ended, in part, because we weren’t going to get married (we discussed it, directly and indirectly). All my other longish relationships ended when either it was clear we weren’t suited or we weren’t going to get married. Hey, at least I know what I want. Sort of.

Grateful for: knowing my own mind.
Drop me a line.