10 Things to Not do in Bed ...


Everyone wants to be impressive in bed and many do annoying things without even realizing it.

I have read a lot of things not to do in bed.

While some of it looks interesting to me, some of it does not look interesting to others, so you should be the judge of what both you and your partner likes.

However, I am going to give you a list of stuff that you may not find interesting…

10. No Makeup "There"

Okay, putting lipstick on your nipples, concealer on your bum bum, mascara on that landing strip or bronzer on your decolletage is a definite no.

I do not care how you stack it…

9. No Talking. Shshsh ...

Remaining silent as you are approaching orgasm and expressing it only through sign language.

I do not know about you, but this definitely does not work.

I mean, unless you just have to be quiet and you are in a public place.

(naught you!)

8. No Weird Stuff on Your Skin

Get into bedb as you are covered in massage oil, whipped cream, baby oil, honey, hot wax, maple syrup, cherry pie filling, chocolate sauce, cookie dough, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, body paint, ice cream, orange sherbet, glitter or truffle oil.

Unless of course, your partner asks you to…

7. No Swapping

Swap with the hairy exhibitionist swingers that live next door.

(I just had to add this one in).

6. No Lipstick

Put on dark red lipstick before you perform fellatio and leave a record on his “member.” Okay, some guys dig this, but there are many who do not appreciate having red lipstick on the…

5. No Weird Names

Calling “it” a “member” or any other name other than its name.

Unless, of course, you are talking dirty!

4. No Singing along

While you are in the reverse cowgirl position, giving him a foot massage and singing “I Touch Myself” and tongue wrestle with the three-piece band accompanying you on the foot of the bed may be a definite…NO.

No Laughing
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