Everyone wants to be impressive in bed and many do annoying things without even realizing it. I have read a lot of things not to do in bed.
While some of it looks interesting to me, some of it does not look interesting to others, so you should be the judge of what both you and your partner likes.
However, I am going to give you a list of stuff that you may not find interesting…
10. No Makeup “There”
Okay, putting lipstick on your nipples, concealer on your bum bum, mascara on that landing strip or bronzer on your decolletage is a definite no. I do not care how you stack it…
9. No Talking. Shshsh …
Remaining silent as you are approaching orgasm and expressing it only through sign language. I do not know about you, but this definitely does not work. I mean, unless you just have to be quiet and you are in a public place. (naught you!)
8. No Weird Stuff on Your Skin
Get into bed as you are covered in massage oil, whipped cream, baby oil, honey, hot wax, maple syrup, cherry pie filling, chocolate sauce, cookie dough, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, body paint, ice cream, orange sherbet, glitter or truffle oil. Unless of course, your partner asks you to…
7. No Swapping
Swap with the hairy exhibitionist swingers that live next door. (I just had to add this one in).
6. No Lipstick
Put on dark red lipstick before you perform fellatio and leave a record on his “member.” Okay, some guys dig this, but there are many who do not appreciate having red lipstick on the…
Ladies, please…No off-topic conversation. No idle commentary about the laundry, or the color of the walls, or what the daughter wore to school or that you saw so-and-so at the grocery. It’s an instant mood killer. For best results, don’t require us to process speech in the throes of pleasure. Remember, conversation may flow effortlessly for you, but it’s hard work for us. Much appreciated.
Lol Joe, Will keep that in mind :)
:))) I just bust into laugh when I read the number 6 rule No Lipstick. You are totally right, or even better said, guys love lipstick resistant to transfer. I also like that part with No Makeup in bed…if u have smth to hide just turn off the light or wait for the night to come:)
Hey Tavia,
No makeup rule absolutely yes! I mean we all have our flaws right. A few stretch marks and some cellulite never hurt anyone. Besides our men are faaaaaaar from perfect :)
I think especially guys you dont have to tell your partner that you love her while having sex that can really turn the girl off.
Omg I’m so totally with you on the no laughing/giggling thing. I did know a guy in the past who would always have a huge grin on his face! Grrrr. I also hate men who feel the need to have a conversation while doing the deed. I mean moan groan talk dirty but really is this the time to converse?!
lmao!!! people actually put makeup on?? lol theres no need in hiding it, they’ll see it very soon lol
But…But…But… I quite enjoy a laugh in bed. Though not in the midst of throes of passion and blah blah blah… But having a good laugh while being naked (or half naked depending on the place and the time) is awesome. I love it. No laughing. You just making it sound like a chore now.
I want laughing. Not the point at things kind of laughing. But you get what I am talking.
Zenmaster,
It’s okay to be silly once in a while but I hate gigglers. Ugh! It makes me feel like it’s his first time. I also hate talking about it afterward. “How was it for you?” “Did I do it right?”. Just take your clothes ad go home!
@Sheila – Giggling? Nooooo… No giggling… and am not talking about only one person laughing… I am talking about laughing laughing you know like you are high or something…
Zenmaster,
You’re strange. Peirod. :p